A Note From the Author

Dear Readers:

Frazzled Fran began as an idea for an interesting character.  Not long after, her story became this blog.  Two days ago this creative exercise came to an end.

I would like to thank you for reading Fran's story.  I would especially like to thank those of you who left comments, nominated her story for awards and pretended as if Fran were a real person.  It is because of you that Fran's story continued past her 30th birthday and into her 31st year.  This wasn't originally the plan.

My other blog P.O.V. went through changes as well.  Founded in 2010 and written by five contributing writers and myself, we launched a fundraising campaign in November in the hopes of raising enough money to become a magazine.  Unfortunatly, we were unable to raise the funds needed and ceased publishing in January.

If you've enjoyed Frazzled Fran, I hope you will continue to support me in my future writing endeavours.  Currently, I am in the process of preparing a book for publication.  I am also working on a novel, although it is still in the rough draft stage.   If you're interested in hearing more about these projects, I encourage you to follow me on Facebook and Twitter.

Please feel free to leave me a comment or question about Fran, P.O.V. or writing and editing in general on either social networking site.

Thank you once again.

Melina Druga

What Is This Feeling?

What is this feeling?  I've never experienced it before.  Is it, dare I say, happiness?  Yes, I am happy.  I never thought I would say that in my entire life.  I have never really been happy before.

But now I can say that I am happy.  I have a fiance who loves me.  I have a job that pays enough to cover my bills and then some and it's a lot less stressful than my old job.  I'm going to school and soon I'll have a career I'll enjoy.  I have friends who count on me and family members who are always there to help me.  I am blessed.

All this means one thing.  It means it's time to say goodbye.  I started this diary because I needed a place to get my thoughts down in words.  I was in a very dark place, but that place no longer exists.

Thank you for listening to me all these months. It was nice knowing you.  I hope you have a good life.  I know I will.

Farewell,
Fran Fletcher

The Proposal

Bill had a big surprise for me tonight.  He took me to my favorite restaurant to celebrate all I have accomplished in the past year.  I was told I could order anything I wanted to so I picked out fillet Mignon.  I had always wanted to try it but was afraid of the prices.  It was pretty good.

Afterward, he suggested we order a large ice cream sundae and share it.  I was full from my meal but agreed anyway.  He ordered one that was Neapolitan. 

The waiter brought it out on a silver platter.  First he set down our spoons then the tray.  On the tray was a little box.  I stared at it, confused.

Bill said, "I thought you deserved one more surprise for the night."

Bill opened the box and inside was a ring.  He got down on one knee and put the ring on my finger.  "Francesca Fletcher, will you marry me."

I shrieked and clapped my hands over my mouth.  Stunned, I sat there for a moment then screamed yes and threw my arms around his neck.

Some people in the restaurant applauded.

We sat down and finished our ice cream.

Best dinner of my life ever!

That Girl

We were sitting on the couch watching TV, nothing special.  I had had a hard day:  the usual work day followed by a couple of hours of classes.  Plus, I got lost in traffic today thanks to a detour.  I was tired and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep.

I was about ready to nod off when I heard Jessica say something.

"When we were high school, do you remember that girl?"

"What girl"

"You know, that girl, the one everyone wanted to be.  Rebecca Lawless."

I vaguely remembered Rebecca.  She was pretty.  All the guys liked her.  She was also smart and ambitious.

"What about Rebecca?"

"I ran into her today when I was running errands.  She wasn't what I expected."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean she had some disease of some kind, she said, and she looked like she'd been sick awhile.  Plus, not only that but she's been unemployed for like a year or something.  She gave me a job lead, though."

I finally lifted my head up from the back of the couch.  "If she's unemployed, why is she passing on the job lead to you."

"Because she was doing some executive management position and was overqualified for it but it fits me just fine so I think I'm going to do it.  It has something to do with merchandising at a department store."

"Well, that does sound like Rebecca, executive management."

I laid my head back down and Jessica was quiet.  Then just as I was again about to nod off she said something.

"You're the adult version of that girl, Fran?"

Again I lifted my head.  "How am I that girl?"

"Because you have a boyfriend who loves you, you look put together, you have a job that's halfway decent and you're going to school to be something you want to be.  Plus, you're smart."

"You could go back to school, too.  It took me a while to decide to do it but I'm happy I did."

She shook her head.  "How could I afford it?"

"I don't know.  There must be some way.  We can discuss it in the morning."

"Okay."

She nodded and I laid my head down.  I was that girl.

Speech

I never took a speech class in my life.  One isn't required now, although it would have been had I taken the traditional four year course of study.  Then I spent years on a job where I had to be on the phone all the time.  I hate crowds.  I hate speaking in front of crowds.  I hate talking to strangers on the phone.

Yet here I am ready to talk in front of a strange crowd of, well, strangers.  My heart is beating so fast I think I'm going to have a heart attack and I've gone pee about 16 times.

I'm at the university about to give a ten minute talk on my experiences in the fast track program to a group of potential students.  I hadn't attended one of these before I signed up but it was available.

Dr. Clark chose me to speak.  I'm honored, I guess, but this is tough.  Oh, no, it's almost my turn and I have to go to the bathroom again.

* * *

Oh, wow, the speech is over.  Am I ever relieved.  And even better, I nailed it.  The crowd seemed interested while I was talking.  They applauded me when I was done.  Dr. Clark even told me I did a good job and he's tough to please.

I am so relieved.  But I don't want to have to do it again.

Swimsuit Shopping

The stores have swimsuits out so Jessica and I decided to go swimsuit shopping just for the fun of it.  I don't really have a need for a swimsuit.  I don't go swimming and I obviously won't be getting a vacation for a long time.  But Jessica wanted to go.

We each picked out a few we thought were pretty and went to the dressing room for a fashion show.  Jessica had Mackenzie in a stroller so she went into the handicapped room and I went into the one next to her.

"Okay," Jessica said, "one, two, three."

On the count of three, we both stepped out of our dressing rooms to show each other the suits we had picked out.

I had picked out a bikini, at Jessica's urging, but felt really uncomfortable standing there, even though she was the only person who could see me.

"Oh, Fran, Fran, Fran."

"What?"  I looked down and swiveled my hips, trying to look at my hips, stomach and butt.  I looked horrible.  I just knew it.

"It's nothing bad.  I wish I looked like you.  I can't get rid of this damn baby weight but you -- you look amazing."

"I what?" 

I was never a "you look amazing sort of girl".

"No, really, I'm not joking.  You have a body a lot of women would be envious of."

"Oh."

I saw tears swell up in Jessica's eyes.  I don't think she was jealous but she probably did have her feelings hurt a bit.  She never was skinny but now it was worst.

"Please don't feel bad.  This was supposed to be fun.  I don't know about you but I'd rather go try on some shoes."

I went back into the dressing room and quickly closed the door.

"You really should have Bill take you to a pool this summer."

I didn't answer immediately.  "Oh, okay.  Now what do you say about those shoes?"

I Love You

Oh, my God, the most incredible thing happened.  Bill told me he loves me! 

I couldn't believe it.  We had just gotten into the car after we left a restaurant and he said it before we drove away.

I had been looking out the window and I turned and looked at him.  "What?"

"I love you."

"You do?"

"Don't look so confused, Fran.  I love you.  There are many reasons why."

He reach over and kissed me.

I still can't believe it now.  I've never had a man tell me that before -- ever.

Kiss Cam

The basketball game Bill was talking about the other day turned out to be a NBA game in a huge arena.  All and all I have to say basketball is very boring but I went to make Bill happy.

I found the crowd to be the most entertaining part of the entire game.  We were sitting next to a couple of hecklers.  They kept shouting critiques and obscenities at the players.  I don't think the players could hear them or cared even if they did.

The most memorable part of the night was during a commercial break when we ended up on Kiss Cam.  Once upon a time I would have been mortified to be kissed in front of a crowd like that, but once upon a time I dated losers.  Bill is not a loser.  He is a winner.

We kissed until the people around us told us we were no longer on camera.

After the game, when we were leaving, some people recognized us and shouted "kiss cam" at us so we kissed again ever time this happened.

That part was fun, being impetuous.

I Miss You

"I know you're sad.  Why don't you tell me a little bit about her?"

I had my head resting on Bill's shoulder as we both sat on the couch watching TV.

"Well, she's the only grandparent I ever knew.  We used to do all kinds of stuff when I was a kid.  Polly and Brandon used to always be around, too, and it made me jealous.  I wanted Granny all to myself.  It wasn't until later when that happened."

"Why?"

"Because when we were teens, they thought they were too cool to be with Granny.  I never thought that.  I never thought I was too cool for anything."

"Maybe you can get Granny to video chat with you.  Does she have a computer?"

I sat upright.  That was it.  Granny does have a computer, a fairly new one, too.

I turned to Bill and gave him a big kiss.  "Bill, you're a genius.  How did I get this lucky to have you in my life?"

"No, I'm the lucky one."  Bill paused.  "Hey, have you ever been to a basketball game?"

Granny's Goodbye

At the airport with Granny, waiting.  I volunteered to go pick her up from my parents' house and drive her here.  I don't care what my mother says.  I don't love Granny more but I do love her and will miss her when she's gone.  No, not gone, Granny is not dying.  Granny is just moving.

Moving far, far away.  I feel sick.  I want to cry.

Granny is happy.  It's a new start of her.

Only about ten more minutes left together.

* * *

Granny just boarded her plane.  We had a long goodbye.  I held back my tears until she was out of sight.  Now my eyes are so full of tears I can barely see my keyboard.  I don't want her to go.  I'm selfish, I know, but I don't want her to go.  I want her here with me for as long as she is on this Earth.

And I hope she lives for many, many more years.  I don't want her to die.