A Note From the Author

Dear Readers:

Frazzled Fran began as an idea for an interesting character.  Not long after, her story became this blog.  Two days ago this creative exercise came to an end.

I would like to thank you for reading Fran's story.  I would especially like to thank those of you who left comments, nominated her story for awards and pretended as if Fran were a real person.  It is because of you that Fran's story continued past her 30th birthday and into her 31st year.  This wasn't originally the plan.

My other blog P.O.V. went through changes as well.  Founded in 2010 and written by five contributing writers and myself, we launched a fundraising campaign in November in the hopes of raising enough money to become a magazine.  Unfortunatly, we were unable to raise the funds needed and ceased publishing in January.

If you've enjoyed Frazzled Fran, I hope you will continue to support me in my future writing endeavours.  Currently, I am in the process of preparing a book for publication.  I am also working on a novel, although it is still in the rough draft stage.   If you're interested in hearing more about these projects, I encourage you to follow me on Facebook and Twitter.

Please feel free to leave me a comment or question about Fran, P.O.V. or writing and editing in general on either social networking site.

Thank you once again.

Melina Druga

What Is This Feeling?

What is this feeling?  I've never experienced it before.  Is it, dare I say, happiness?  Yes, I am happy.  I never thought I would say that in my entire life.  I have never really been happy before.

But now I can say that I am happy.  I have a fiance who loves me.  I have a job that pays enough to cover my bills and then some and it's a lot less stressful than my old job.  I'm going to school and soon I'll have a career I'll enjoy.  I have friends who count on me and family members who are always there to help me.  I am blessed.

All this means one thing.  It means it's time to say goodbye.  I started this diary because I needed a place to get my thoughts down in words.  I was in a very dark place, but that place no longer exists.

Thank you for listening to me all these months. It was nice knowing you.  I hope you have a good life.  I know I will.

Farewell,
Fran Fletcher

The Proposal

Bill had a big surprise for me tonight.  He took me to my favorite restaurant to celebrate all I have accomplished in the past year.  I was told I could order anything I wanted to so I picked out fillet Mignon.  I had always wanted to try it but was afraid of the prices.  It was pretty good.

Afterward, he suggested we order a large ice cream sundae and share it.  I was full from my meal but agreed anyway.  He ordered one that was Neapolitan. 

The waiter brought it out on a silver platter.  First he set down our spoons then the tray.  On the tray was a little box.  I stared at it, confused.

Bill said, "I thought you deserved one more surprise for the night."

Bill opened the box and inside was a ring.  He got down on one knee and put the ring on my finger.  "Francesca Fletcher, will you marry me."

I shrieked and clapped my hands over my mouth.  Stunned, I sat there for a moment then screamed yes and threw my arms around his neck.

Some people in the restaurant applauded.

We sat down and finished our ice cream.

Best dinner of my life ever!

That Girl

We were sitting on the couch watching TV, nothing special.  I had had a hard day:  the usual work day followed by a couple of hours of classes.  Plus, I got lost in traffic today thanks to a detour.  I was tired and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep.

I was about ready to nod off when I heard Jessica say something.

"When we were high school, do you remember that girl?"

"What girl"

"You know, that girl, the one everyone wanted to be.  Rebecca Lawless."

I vaguely remembered Rebecca.  She was pretty.  All the guys liked her.  She was also smart and ambitious.

"What about Rebecca?"

"I ran into her today when I was running errands.  She wasn't what I expected."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean she had some disease of some kind, she said, and she looked like she'd been sick awhile.  Plus, not only that but she's been unemployed for like a year or something.  She gave me a job lead, though."

I finally lifted my head up from the back of the couch.  "If she's unemployed, why is she passing on the job lead to you."

"Because she was doing some executive management position and was overqualified for it but it fits me just fine so I think I'm going to do it.  It has something to do with merchandising at a department store."

"Well, that does sound like Rebecca, executive management."

I laid my head back down and Jessica was quiet.  Then just as I was again about to nod off she said something.

"You're the adult version of that girl, Fran?"

Again I lifted my head.  "How am I that girl?"

"Because you have a boyfriend who loves you, you look put together, you have a job that's halfway decent and you're going to school to be something you want to be.  Plus, you're smart."

"You could go back to school, too.  It took me a while to decide to do it but I'm happy I did."

She shook her head.  "How could I afford it?"

"I don't know.  There must be some way.  We can discuss it in the morning."

"Okay."

She nodded and I laid my head down.  I was that girl.

Speech

I never took a speech class in my life.  One isn't required now, although it would have been had I taken the traditional four year course of study.  Then I spent years on a job where I had to be on the phone all the time.  I hate crowds.  I hate speaking in front of crowds.  I hate talking to strangers on the phone.

Yet here I am ready to talk in front of a strange crowd of, well, strangers.  My heart is beating so fast I think I'm going to have a heart attack and I've gone pee about 16 times.

I'm at the university about to give a ten minute talk on my experiences in the fast track program to a group of potential students.  I hadn't attended one of these before I signed up but it was available.

Dr. Clark chose me to speak.  I'm honored, I guess, but this is tough.  Oh, no, it's almost my turn and I have to go to the bathroom again.

* * *

Oh, wow, the speech is over.  Am I ever relieved.  And even better, I nailed it.  The crowd seemed interested while I was talking.  They applauded me when I was done.  Dr. Clark even told me I did a good job and he's tough to please.

I am so relieved.  But I don't want to have to do it again.

Swimsuit Shopping

The stores have swimsuits out so Jessica and I decided to go swimsuit shopping just for the fun of it.  I don't really have a need for a swimsuit.  I don't go swimming and I obviously won't be getting a vacation for a long time.  But Jessica wanted to go.

We each picked out a few we thought were pretty and went to the dressing room for a fashion show.  Jessica had Mackenzie in a stroller so she went into the handicapped room and I went into the one next to her.

"Okay," Jessica said, "one, two, three."

On the count of three, we both stepped out of our dressing rooms to show each other the suits we had picked out.

I had picked out a bikini, at Jessica's urging, but felt really uncomfortable standing there, even though she was the only person who could see me.

"Oh, Fran, Fran, Fran."

"What?"  I looked down and swiveled my hips, trying to look at my hips, stomach and butt.  I looked horrible.  I just knew it.

"It's nothing bad.  I wish I looked like you.  I can't get rid of this damn baby weight but you -- you look amazing."

"I what?" 

I was never a "you look amazing sort of girl".

"No, really, I'm not joking.  You have a body a lot of women would be envious of."

"Oh."

I saw tears swell up in Jessica's eyes.  I don't think she was jealous but she probably did have her feelings hurt a bit.  She never was skinny but now it was worst.

"Please don't feel bad.  This was supposed to be fun.  I don't know about you but I'd rather go try on some shoes."

I went back into the dressing room and quickly closed the door.

"You really should have Bill take you to a pool this summer."

I didn't answer immediately.  "Oh, okay.  Now what do you say about those shoes?"

I Love You

Oh, my God, the most incredible thing happened.  Bill told me he loves me! 

I couldn't believe it.  We had just gotten into the car after we left a restaurant and he said it before we drove away.

I had been looking out the window and I turned and looked at him.  "What?"

"I love you."

"You do?"

"Don't look so confused, Fran.  I love you.  There are many reasons why."

He reach over and kissed me.

I still can't believe it now.  I've never had a man tell me that before -- ever.

Kiss Cam

The basketball game Bill was talking about the other day turned out to be a NBA game in a huge arena.  All and all I have to say basketball is very boring but I went to make Bill happy.

I found the crowd to be the most entertaining part of the entire game.  We were sitting next to a couple of hecklers.  They kept shouting critiques and obscenities at the players.  I don't think the players could hear them or cared even if they did.

The most memorable part of the night was during a commercial break when we ended up on Kiss Cam.  Once upon a time I would have been mortified to be kissed in front of a crowd like that, but once upon a time I dated losers.  Bill is not a loser.  He is a winner.

We kissed until the people around us told us we were no longer on camera.

After the game, when we were leaving, some people recognized us and shouted "kiss cam" at us so we kissed again ever time this happened.

That part was fun, being impetuous.

I Miss You

"I know you're sad.  Why don't you tell me a little bit about her?"

I had my head resting on Bill's shoulder as we both sat on the couch watching TV.

"Well, she's the only grandparent I ever knew.  We used to do all kinds of stuff when I was a kid.  Polly and Brandon used to always be around, too, and it made me jealous.  I wanted Granny all to myself.  It wasn't until later when that happened."

"Why?"

"Because when we were teens, they thought they were too cool to be with Granny.  I never thought that.  I never thought I was too cool for anything."

"Maybe you can get Granny to video chat with you.  Does she have a computer?"

I sat upright.  That was it.  Granny does have a computer, a fairly new one, too.

I turned to Bill and gave him a big kiss.  "Bill, you're a genius.  How did I get this lucky to have you in my life?"

"No, I'm the lucky one."  Bill paused.  "Hey, have you ever been to a basketball game?"

Granny's Goodbye

At the airport with Granny, waiting.  I volunteered to go pick her up from my parents' house and drive her here.  I don't care what my mother says.  I don't love Granny more but I do love her and will miss her when she's gone.  No, not gone, Granny is not dying.  Granny is just moving.

Moving far, far away.  I feel sick.  I want to cry.

Granny is happy.  It's a new start of her.

Only about ten more minutes left together.

* * *

Granny just boarded her plane.  We had a long goodbye.  I held back my tears until she was out of sight.  Now my eyes are so full of tears I can barely see my keyboard.  I don't want her to go.  I'm selfish, I know, but I don't want her to go.  I want her here with me for as long as she is on this Earth.

And I hope she lives for many, many more years.  I don't want her to die.

A Suitor

I haven't mentioned it in a while, but class has been going well.  I still go, haven't missed a class, and I still do my studies online.  It's just that with everything else going on lately I haven't mentioned it.  The other things were just so much more interesting.

Chad sits next to me in class a lot.  I don't really know anything about his background.  We chat on occasion, just about school and stuff.

A few days ago, he called me aside when we were all leaving class.  He seemed nervous.  I figured it was probably about our upcoming test but turns out something else was on his mind.

"Um, Fran," he said rubbing his neck and looking down at my shoes, "I like you a lot and we're not going to be in this class for many more months.  I was wondering if, um, you'd go out with me sometime.  Just for coffee or something like that."

"Well, Chad, I'm very flattered, but I have a boyfriend.  I had one before I even started this course."

He looked at me then down again.  "Oh.  I'm sorry to have bothered you."

"No, don't feel bad.  You didn't know."

I walked away then.  I felt that staying there longer would just make the situation worse.  I felt bad for Chad but I felt good for myself.  That's the first time in my whole life that a guy has asked me out and I've been able to say I have a boyfriend.  Usually I just had to go out with whoever because I didn't have any other choices.

Now, hopefully Chad's not a stalker.

It Ain't Me

A few months ago, you would be hard pressed to hear me say what I am about it say.  But I am so glad I'm me.  I have finally discovered there are people worst off than I am.  It could be worse.  I could be Jessica.

Jessica has been a nervous wreck for days.  She's always crying.  I'm not sure who cries more, her or Mackenzie. 

She can't find a job.  I know she's tried.  For real this time, not the sale consultant crap. 

Her marriage is in ruins.  She was cheated on, given a disease.  He was the breadwinner and, because she left, he has the house and will no doubt get to keep it now.

She is flat out miserable.

I, meanwhile, have a job that pays me well enough to live alone in a decent neighborhood.  I have a man who treats me well.

I am so glad I am not Jessica.  So glad.

The Attorney

Why am I always taking time off for my friends?   First, it was Lilly and the awful pink.  Now it's Jessica and the attorney.

I didn't want to go.  I didn't think they would let me into the room anyway, seeing as I'm not a relative.  I had to stay in the waiting room with Mackenzie.

I looked around the room and immediately felt uncomfortable.  It was like a doctor's office, nicely decorated and clean but you know nothing nice is going on behind the closed doors.  We were the only ones there.

I grabbed a magazine off the side table and tried reading.  They were business magazines and I immediately felt stupid.  Note to self:  I need to get more educated on current events.

After what seemed like forever, Jessica came out of the attorney's office, tissue in hand, again crying.

"So did you go through with it?"

She shook her head yes and bare got out a verbal response.  "I did it.  The paperwork is going to be filed."

I was happy for her.  She did the right thing.

The Argument

Other than relatives I have never had a roommate before.  Sure Jessica and Mackenzie stay in the spare bedroom but their stuff is everywhere.  Sometimes I hear conversations Jessica has with other people while on the phone.  I don't mean to overhear but sometimes it's unavoidable.

Like tonight. 

Jessica was saying, "You're such a liar.  How could you say I gave it to you?  I was tested while I was pregnant and I was healthy then.

"Oh, yeah?  And when would I have had time to do that?  If you haven't noticed, I've been busy taking care of my daughter.

"I don't care if she's half yours.  I don't see you begging to see her.  I don't see you making an effort.

"Yeah, well, you'll have to pay alimony and child support.  No more new sports cars for you.

"Well, you should have thought of that before, shouldn't you have?

"Back at ya, creep."

She hung up.  I tried to walk away quickly but she knew I was there.  She burst into tears and started crying on my shoulder. 

"My life is coming to an end," she said.

Babysitter

I can't tell you how many times I've disinfected my living room after Jessica's product party.  I still feel dirty sitting in there.

I offered to babysit today so Jessica could go look for a real job.  I helped her pick out a dress and did her makeup.  She looked very professional.  I know she has plans to apply to a few places in person and go down to the unemployment office for advice.  Good luck there, but I didn't tell her that.

Mackenzie has been crying the entire time she's been gone.  I don't know what to do.  I don't babysit, she doesn't get a real job.  I do babysit and I'm stuck with a baby.

I've changed her and fed her.  She's in her crib now.  Crying.  I'm guessing she misses her mother.  Can a baby miss her mother?

Maybe she could use some chocolate milk.  All kids like chocolate milk, right?  I'll have to look that up online.

I just hope Jessica is having some luck.

Toys! Toys! Toys?

I came home from work to find my living room filled with strange women.  I paused, unseen, in the kitchen and listened to what was going on.  There was a lot of giggling. 

After a few minutes, I heard Jessica's voice.  She was saying something about quality and fit and driving a man wild.  Then she held up a piece of lingerie.  She passed it around for the crowd to see.

The next thing she showed them was a bottle of lotion.  She talked about quality for the price and how it was edible.  It, too, she passed around the room.

Then she held up a sex toy and started to demonstrate it.

I had had enough.  I walked into the living room as if I was just arriving home and said, "What in the hell is going on here?"

The women turned and looked at me.  I didn't recognize any of them.  Who were these people?

Jessica excused herself and went with me into the kitchen. 

"Well, you told me to get a job.  That's what I did."

"You have got to be kidding me.  You have sex toys in my house!"

"Yeah.  I'm a sales consultant for Lovey Dubbie Products.  They sell lingerie and all that other stuff.  I get a commission off everything I sell."

"When I said get a job, I meant a real job.  One with a steady paycheck and benefits.  Not one where you have to throw sex parties."

"That's not technically a sex party, Fran."

I held both my hands up.  "It doesn't matter.  Finish up and get them out of here.  You should be ashamed of taking advantage of these people."

Jessica went back to her party.  I got my keys and went out for a drink.

Get a Job

Since when have I been forced to be an adult?  Well, let me explain myself.  I have been an adult for a while, but I had no one I was responsible for but me.  Now, I feel like I have Jessica to be responsible for, too. 

She's now my roommate, I suppose, technically, but she does nothing other than take care of Mackenzie.  I'm still doing all the cooking and cleaning.  More importantly, I'm still paying all the rent myself.  So now I feel like a parent with a unruly teenager.  We're the same age, but, geez, act like it.

"Jessica, how long do you think you'll be living here?"

"Until things get resolved with Mike, I suppose."

"When might that be?"

"I don't know.  I'm going to divorce him.  I just haven't had the guts yet to go get a lawyer."

"Oh."  Great, she was going to be here for a while longer, making what I was about to say necessary.  "If you're going to be staying here for a long time, I'm going to have to insist you get a job.  You're going to have to build up a resume and save some money so you can get a place of your own."

"How am I going to work with a newborn?"

"How do other moms do it?  If they can do it, so can you.  You don't want to rely on Mike for money if you're going to get a divorce."

She shook her head.  "No, I don't want to rely on that slime bucket.  I'll start tomorrow."

Good.  I was pleased.  That went better than I expected.

Hair, Glorious Hair

I got a late start on dying my hair, about a 24-hour late start.  I was so interrupted by Jessica showing up that I forgot about it until almost the last minute.  Then when I got to it I was still distracted and didn't read the instructions.

I thought to myself, how difficult can it be to dye hair?  It's just a bottle and nothing else?

I shook the bottle, put it on my hair and waited a while. I'm not sure how long.  I got caught into a conversation with Jessica and then my phone rang and then I stopped to watch the weather forecast on the local news.  By the time I rinsed some time had passed.

I rinsed my hair and, without looking in the mirror, went to get my blow dryer. 

Jessica walked into the room and began laughing.  "Are you going to a Halloween party?"

"Why would I be going to a Halloween party this time of year?"

"Well, why would you want your hair that color if it's not a Halloween party?  You're not 15."

"What are you talking about?  Lots of women have blond hair.  What's wrong with blond hair?"

I was starting to get really upset.  All I wanted was a change and I get made fun of.

"Honey," Jessica grabbed my shoulders and turned me toward the mirror, "look at yourself."

My hair was green!  I let out a scream.

"You'll have to have a hair salon redo it."

"What am I going to do?"

"I just told you.  You'll have to have a hair salon fix it."

"It's a Saturday night, Jessica.  And my date is in an hour.  Bill, will be here in an hour."

"Wear a nice hat."

I felt lightheaded and fainted.

Roommate

I pulled in under the carport, relieved it was Friday.  Bill was stuck at a business meeting so it was going to be a quiet evening at home before a date tomorrow night.  I had plans to dye my hair blond for a party we were going to.

I went inside the house and turned on the lights.  Not long after, the doorbell rang.  I wasn't expecting anyone so the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.  I looked out the peephole.  It was Jessica.

I opened the door.  Jessica was standing there with Mackenzie and a suitcase.

"I'm moving in," she said before even saying hello.

I shook my head, eyes wide.

"You said to let you know if there was anything you could do."

"Yes, but, I, I mean."

"Good.  I have more stuff in the car.  I'll get it later."

Huh, what had just happened?

"Jessica, what do you mean you're moving in?"

"I left home.  I couldn't stand to be in the same house as Mike anymore."

I thought when couples had fights, it was the man who always left.  Had I missed something?

"Don't stand there looking like a deer in headlights, Fran.  I left the slime bucket.  I packed some stuff and left while he was at work.  Mike has no clue where I am.  We had a huge blowout fight last night.  He said he has always been faithful to me.  He said I was lying, that I was the one who cheated.  I was sick, sick."

"He has no clue where you are?"

Jessica shook her head.  "No, and I want to keep it that way."

Slime Bucket

Do you remember when you first met me?  Do you remember how I was desperately jealous of all my friends because they were married?  Well, I had never really given that much thought.  To me, marriage had always meant having someone there who loves you no matter your flaws and who is at your side no matter what.  That is what I always thought.  Until now.

Jessica called.  I had just gotten home, had literally just stepped in the door and barely had my coat off when the phone rang.  She knew this was the time I normally get home so I automatically assumed she had in car accident and was dying in the hospital.

She was crying when I answered.  But she didn't sound hurt; she sounded angry.

"You'll never believe what that slime bucket did."

I shook my head even though she couldn't see me.  "What slime bucket?"

"Mike.  Do you know what that slime bucket did?"

Mike was Jessica's husband.  I didn't know him very well.  I had only met him a handful of times.

"No, what happened?"

"I found out he had been cheating on me and had been for months."

"What?  How?"

"Syphilis."

She was sobbing so hard I could barely understand her. 

"What?"

"You heard me."

Suddenly, I felt very dizzy and sat down.  How awful for her.  I had never been in this situation before, so I wasn't quite sure how to handle it.

"Let me know if there's anything I can do."