The Shadow

It took some time to settle into my new home.  I won't lie.  I thought by simply making the change I would feel better, but that wasn't the case.  It took me three weeks before I could sleep through the night without waking up.

Mama is still convinced I'm going to come running home.  Either way, she says, I'm screwed.  I'll either be paying a mortgage for nothing or I'll be breaking a lease.  Little does she know I found a short-term renter for my old house.  It's some guy who is moving to the county and is looking for a place to stay while he decides where to live.  I made him sign a three-month lease.  If the house doesn't sell before that, I'll auction it off.

Anyway, I did something today that is pretty ambitious.  I went up to Net Tech on my lunch hour and asked all kinds of questions.  I found out all about what a typical life is like.  I also found out graphic artists make a lot more money than I do without all the hassles.

I was very careful not to let Bill see me.  I don't think I would know what to say if I came across him.  That I'm researching careers because I loath where I work?  That I was too stupid to go to college at age 18 like everyone else?  That I really, really want to work where he does so I can see him everyday?

I found out a lot of information.  Still don't think I'm ready to sign up for classes.

First Night

I can't sleep.  I just looked at myself in the bathroom mirror.  My eyes are bloodshot and I look terrible.  Good thing I don't have work tomorrow.  Otherwise I would have to call off.

So Mama said I was meant to stay in our hometown.  I don't want to admit that she's right, but there is too much noise here.

Let me tell you all the things that are annoying me right now.

1. Traffic
2. Pedestrians
3. The furnace
4. Owls
5. The beating of my heart
6. The clock in the kitchen
7. Raccoons

Moving Day

Today was moving day.  My furniture looks so horrible in this new, nicer home but so long as I never invite anyone here no one will be any the wiser that my furniture is crap.  Well, they might be if they say Brandon delivering it in his business truck.

If anyone was home and watching, they would know.  The Fletcher's Junk truck gave it away.

Of course the day was not perfect.  If it wasn't the truck making me die of embarrassment, it was Brandon looking like a slob.  Really, the new neighbors probably think some hillbilly has moved next door.  How am I going to fit in with these people?

Even the day started out horribly.  Before we even left town, the truck got a flat tire.  Mama came over while Brandon was fixing it and told me it was a clear sign I wasn't meant to leave.

"How could you say that?"

"You shouldn't leave, Fran.  You're meant to be here."

I swallowed hard.  I hoped it was all her being dramatic.  If I'm meant to be stuck in our small town, then that means I'm meant to be stuck in the life I don't like  -- forever.

Rearview Window

I'm so glad I am moving.  And not just for the reasons I've been talking about either.  My creepy neighbor, Hoss, has made me loose sleep.  Something is going on next door, I'm telling you.

I was looking outside earlier, just looking outside, not looking for anything in particular when I saw it.  Hoss was dragging something across his backyard.  I don't know what it was, but I have seen people drag bags of leaves or yard debris.  I've seen gardeners working.  This was not like that.

Whatever it was he was dragging it from his garage to his shed.  I can't see his garage from my back window.  I just know where it is located.  I could somewhat see in the shed but the lighting was very dim.  It looked like he had a vat of something sitting in there.  No, not a vat, exactly, but a large barrel, like the bobbing for apples barrel only larger.

I was tempted to call the cops, but wasn't sure they would do anything.  If nothing is there, then Hoss will know I was the nosy neighbor who snitched on him.  I'll just be happy when I'm out of here.

I'm Moving

"What is it, Fran, that you had to have all us over here?"

"Well." 

I looked around my living room.   I had called my parents and Brandon over to tell them about the townhouse.  I didn't have the heart to tell Granny.  I figured she would hear it from someone and then tell me I'm insane again.  This was hard enough as is without putting myself in that position.

"Well, Dad, I've decided to move."

"Oh, well, you're being so dramatic about it.  What's the big deal?  You probably need something with a little lower maintenance.  There are some newer homes across town you might want to take a look at once you find a realtor."

"Next week.  I'm moving next week.  I already signed a lease on a townhouse in the city."

Mama rolled her eyes.  "Fran, you still own this house.  Don't you think you should have sold it first?"

"I'll sell it.  I'll auction it if I have to, but I'm moving."

"You're going to be paying mortgage and rent at the same time.  This won't be doing your credit or bank account any favors."

"Properties move fast in the city.  If I didn't sign the lease, it would be gone."

"Then you find another one, Fran.  Really, do you have no common sense?"

Dad sat there with his arms folded across his chest while Mama, next to him, seemed very angry at me. Only Brandon said nothing.

We sat there in silence for several minutes.  It was exactly responses like that from Mama that proved why I need to leave here and find my own way.

"Okay," Brandon said, "if you're going to put yourself in financial jeopardy, the least I can do is help you move."

The Rental

After work today, I did something very unexpected.  Well, unexpected to anyone who knows me because I haven't expressed to anyone my desire to move away from my hometown.  Everyone thinks I love it here, but I hate it.  It's too small, too boring and, maybe most important, the older I get the less I can stand the commute.

So I made an appointment to see a townhouse in the city.  I thought I would just take a look at it to see what is available and what it looks like and what I can afford.  Little did I know I would absolutely love it.

It has white siding on the front and, even though it's located in the city, the street is quiet.  Not as quiet as the roads here, of course, but still quieter than downtown.  The inside was updated recently.  It looks so much nicer than my house.  Soooo much nicer.  It's bright and open and the appliances aren't about to die.  I really liked the paint colors and the view from the windows.  And my commute would be cut quite a bit.

I was so completely unprepared for loving it that the thought of loosing it put a pit in the bottom of my stomach.  I signed a one-year lease.

Now to tell everyone I'm moving.

I Need a Change

I've thought really long and hard since my birthday and the laundry list of apologies I was forced to make as a consequence of it.  I've come to the conclusion that I need a change, a major change not just a new nail polish color.

And I need a change in numerous aspects of my life.  So I've decided to do something about it.  I just don't know what yet.

Here is my list:

• I need a new job.  Hate the current one.
• I'd love to be a graphic designer.  Need to go back to school.
• This town is too damn small.
• I date losers and I what that says about me.  I so want to date someone who isn't a loser but has goals, dreams and ambitions.