The Attorney

Why am I always taking time off for my friends?   First, it was Lilly and the awful pink.  Now it's Jessica and the attorney.

I didn't want to go.  I didn't think they would let me into the room anyway, seeing as I'm not a relative.  I had to stay in the waiting room with Mackenzie.

I looked around the room and immediately felt uncomfortable.  It was like a doctor's office, nicely decorated and clean but you know nothing nice is going on behind the closed doors.  We were the only ones there.

I grabbed a magazine off the side table and tried reading.  They were business magazines and I immediately felt stupid.  Note to self:  I need to get more educated on current events.

After what seemed like forever, Jessica came out of the attorney's office, tissue in hand, again crying.

"So did you go through with it?"

She shook her head yes and bare got out a verbal response.  "I did it.  The paperwork is going to be filed."

I was happy for her.  She did the right thing.

The Argument

Other than relatives I have never had a roommate before.  Sure Jessica and Mackenzie stay in the spare bedroom but their stuff is everywhere.  Sometimes I hear conversations Jessica has with other people while on the phone.  I don't mean to overhear but sometimes it's unavoidable.

Like tonight. 

Jessica was saying, "You're such a liar.  How could you say I gave it to you?  I was tested while I was pregnant and I was healthy then.

"Oh, yeah?  And when would I have had time to do that?  If you haven't noticed, I've been busy taking care of my daughter.

"I don't care if she's half yours.  I don't see you begging to see her.  I don't see you making an effort.

"Yeah, well, you'll have to pay alimony and child support.  No more new sports cars for you.

"Well, you should have thought of that before, shouldn't you have?

"Back at ya, creep."

She hung up.  I tried to walk away quickly but she knew I was there.  She burst into tears and started crying on my shoulder. 

"My life is coming to an end," she said.

Babysitter

I can't tell you how many times I've disinfected my living room after Jessica's product party.  I still feel dirty sitting in there.

I offered to babysit today so Jessica could go look for a real job.  I helped her pick out a dress and did her makeup.  She looked very professional.  I know she has plans to apply to a few places in person and go down to the unemployment office for advice.  Good luck there, but I didn't tell her that.

Mackenzie has been crying the entire time she's been gone.  I don't know what to do.  I don't babysit, she doesn't get a real job.  I do babysit and I'm stuck with a baby.

I've changed her and fed her.  She's in her crib now.  Crying.  I'm guessing she misses her mother.  Can a baby miss her mother?

Maybe she could use some chocolate milk.  All kids like chocolate milk, right?  I'll have to look that up online.

I just hope Jessica is having some luck.

Toys! Toys! Toys?

I came home from work to find my living room filled with strange women.  I paused, unseen, in the kitchen and listened to what was going on.  There was a lot of giggling. 

After a few minutes, I heard Jessica's voice.  She was saying something about quality and fit and driving a man wild.  Then she held up a piece of lingerie.  She passed it around for the crowd to see.

The next thing she showed them was a bottle of lotion.  She talked about quality for the price and how it was edible.  It, too, she passed around the room.

Then she held up a sex toy and started to demonstrate it.

I had had enough.  I walked into the living room as if I was just arriving home and said, "What in the hell is going on here?"

The women turned and looked at me.  I didn't recognize any of them.  Who were these people?

Jessica excused herself and went with me into the kitchen. 

"Well, you told me to get a job.  That's what I did."

"You have got to be kidding me.  You have sex toys in my house!"

"Yeah.  I'm a sales consultant for Lovey Dubbie Products.  They sell lingerie and all that other stuff.  I get a commission off everything I sell."

"When I said get a job, I meant a real job.  One with a steady paycheck and benefits.  Not one where you have to throw sex parties."

"That's not technically a sex party, Fran."

I held both my hands up.  "It doesn't matter.  Finish up and get them out of here.  You should be ashamed of taking advantage of these people."

Jessica went back to her party.  I got my keys and went out for a drink.

Get a Job

Since when have I been forced to be an adult?  Well, let me explain myself.  I have been an adult for a while, but I had no one I was responsible for but me.  Now, I feel like I have Jessica to be responsible for, too. 

She's now my roommate, I suppose, technically, but she does nothing other than take care of Mackenzie.  I'm still doing all the cooking and cleaning.  More importantly, I'm still paying all the rent myself.  So now I feel like a parent with a unruly teenager.  We're the same age, but, geez, act like it.

"Jessica, how long do you think you'll be living here?"

"Until things get resolved with Mike, I suppose."

"When might that be?"

"I don't know.  I'm going to divorce him.  I just haven't had the guts yet to go get a lawyer."

"Oh."  Great, she was going to be here for a while longer, making what I was about to say necessary.  "If you're going to be staying here for a long time, I'm going to have to insist you get a job.  You're going to have to build up a resume and save some money so you can get a place of your own."

"How am I going to work with a newborn?"

"How do other moms do it?  If they can do it, so can you.  You don't want to rely on Mike for money if you're going to get a divorce."

She shook her head.  "No, I don't want to rely on that slime bucket.  I'll start tomorrow."

Good.  I was pleased.  That went better than I expected.

Hair, Glorious Hair

I got a late start on dying my hair, about a 24-hour late start.  I was so interrupted by Jessica showing up that I forgot about it until almost the last minute.  Then when I got to it I was still distracted and didn't read the instructions.

I thought to myself, how difficult can it be to dye hair?  It's just a bottle and nothing else?

I shook the bottle, put it on my hair and waited a while. I'm not sure how long.  I got caught into a conversation with Jessica and then my phone rang and then I stopped to watch the weather forecast on the local news.  By the time I rinsed some time had passed.

I rinsed my hair and, without looking in the mirror, went to get my blow dryer. 

Jessica walked into the room and began laughing.  "Are you going to a Halloween party?"

"Why would I be going to a Halloween party this time of year?"

"Well, why would you want your hair that color if it's not a Halloween party?  You're not 15."

"What are you talking about?  Lots of women have blond hair.  What's wrong with blond hair?"

I was starting to get really upset.  All I wanted was a change and I get made fun of.

"Honey," Jessica grabbed my shoulders and turned me toward the mirror, "look at yourself."

My hair was green!  I let out a scream.

"You'll have to have a hair salon redo it."

"What am I going to do?"

"I just told you.  You'll have to have a hair salon fix it."

"It's a Saturday night, Jessica.  And my date is in an hour.  Bill, will be here in an hour."

"Wear a nice hat."

I felt lightheaded and fainted.

Roommate

I pulled in under the carport, relieved it was Friday.  Bill was stuck at a business meeting so it was going to be a quiet evening at home before a date tomorrow night.  I had plans to dye my hair blond for a party we were going to.

I went inside the house and turned on the lights.  Not long after, the doorbell rang.  I wasn't expecting anyone so the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.  I looked out the peephole.  It was Jessica.

I opened the door.  Jessica was standing there with Mackenzie and a suitcase.

"I'm moving in," she said before even saying hello.

I shook my head, eyes wide.

"You said to let you know if there was anything you could do."

"Yes, but, I, I mean."

"Good.  I have more stuff in the car.  I'll get it later."

Huh, what had just happened?

"Jessica, what do you mean you're moving in?"

"I left home.  I couldn't stand to be in the same house as Mike anymore."

I thought when couples had fights, it was the man who always left.  Had I missed something?

"Don't stand there looking like a deer in headlights, Fran.  I left the slime bucket.  I packed some stuff and left while he was at work.  Mike has no clue where I am.  We had a huge blowout fight last night.  He said he has always been faithful to me.  He said I was lying, that I was the one who cheated.  I was sick, sick."

"He has no clue where you are?"

Jessica shook her head.  "No, and I want to keep it that way."