Gluteus Maximus

I have never been one to work out.  I mean, who really enjoys working out?  You have to wear those goofy clothings and get all sweaty and things jiggle.  Ewww.

But then I saw a television program about how exercise can hold off the effects of aging and I joined a gym the next day.

Fitness Universe has an excellant reputation and the prices weren't bad so I went with them.  I even went so far as to hire a fitness trainer named Ted.  I figured the faster I can get fit than the faster I can quit going to the gym, wearing goofy clothes, getting sweating and jiggling.

Ted is a buff guy and really into fitness, so much so I think he needs therapy.  He eats, sleeps and breathes exercise.

He told me I was puny and needed to do weight training to get my muscles firm or something. 

We started off working my arms, which hurt, then my core muscles, whatever those are, and that hurt.  Finally, we did leg lunges and that really hurt, I mean really, really hurt.

"I think you pulled your glute muscle," Ted said.

"My what?"  What's a glute muscle.

"Your gluteus maximus.  It's the muscle right here."

He put his hand on my rear.

"What?  I pulled my butt."

Apparently, I said this louder than I intended because several people turned to look at me and someone stiffled a laugh.  I could feel my face turning beet red.  My cheeks burned but not as much as my other cheeks.

"I think we'll wrap this up today," Ted said.

"No kidding, genius."

I hobbled back to the locker room.  That's definately the last time I'm going to the gym.  I can barely sit yet alone exercise.