I Miss You

"I know you're sad.  Why don't you tell me a little bit about her?"

I had my head resting on Bill's shoulder as we both sat on the couch watching TV.

"Well, she's the only grandparent I ever knew.  We used to do all kinds of stuff when I was a kid.  Polly and Brandon used to always be around, too, and it made me jealous.  I wanted Granny all to myself.  It wasn't until later when that happened."

"Why?"

"Because when we were teens, they thought they were too cool to be with Granny.  I never thought that.  I never thought I was too cool for anything."

"Maybe you can get Granny to video chat with you.  Does she have a computer?"

I sat upright.  That was it.  Granny does have a computer, a fairly new one, too.

I turned to Bill and gave him a big kiss.  "Bill, you're a genius.  How did I get this lucky to have you in my life?"

"No, I'm the lucky one."  Bill paused.  "Hey, have you ever been to a basketball game?"

Granny's Goodbye

At the airport with Granny, waiting.  I volunteered to go pick her up from my parents' house and drive her here.  I don't care what my mother says.  I don't love Granny more but I do love her and will miss her when she's gone.  No, not gone, Granny is not dying.  Granny is just moving.

Moving far, far away.  I feel sick.  I want to cry.

Granny is happy.  It's a new start of her.

Only about ten more minutes left together.

* * *

Granny just boarded her plane.  We had a long goodbye.  I held back my tears until she was out of sight.  Now my eyes are so full of tears I can barely see my keyboard.  I don't want her to go.  I'm selfish, I know, but I don't want her to go.  I want her here with me for as long as she is on this Earth.

And I hope she lives for many, many more years.  I don't want her to die.

Retirement Community

Granny called me today.  Ever since her visit to the city our relationship as been like it used to be -- good.  So I was shocked when she called me.  We had been talking about at the same time on the same day every week.

At first I thought something was horribly wrong.

"Wrong?  No, I feel all right,"  Granny said.  "I do have something to tell you and you're the last to know."

I was still convinced she was sick or dying until she said it.  "Fran, I've decided to move to a retirement community in Florida."

I couldn't believe it.  "What?  Why?"

"It's a number of reasons.  I'm getting tired of winters. But mostly it's because I have no friends my own age to spend time with.  I need that right now."

"But that's so far away.  Isn't there somewhere closer you could move to?"

"I could, I suppose, but I know some of the ladies who live down there, so I won't be alone when I move."

"Oh."  I sat there, not know what to say.

"Fran, are you there?"

How long had I sat there not saying anything?  I wasn't sure.  I shook my head even though Granny couldn't see me.

"Yes, I'm here.  How can you leave?  I need you."

"You don't need me, Fran.  You're a grown woman with much life ahead of her."

"But I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too.  But don't worry about me.  I'll see you plenty of times before I go."

Granny's Day Out

I was surprised to see that it was Granny, of all people, who made the trip to the city to visit me.  She called ahead and made plans and told me she would take me to lunch.  I was thrilled but cautious.

"I'm sorry, Fran, I've been so hard on you in recent years.  I really think you have a lot of potential if you try."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and nothing good is happening.  I'm still stuck in the mud."

"Well, life isn't always easy.  I was a single mother when it wasn't the in thing to be.  It was hard finding jobs that paid me well enough to support us.  Employers though the best position I should ever strive to achieve is secretary."

"I thought you enjoyed working."

"No, I did it because I had to to survive.  For years, that's what you did, too, Fran.  You worked to put a roof over your head, to pay for a car, to put food on your plate, but you weren't happy."

I hung my head and Granny went on.  "Turning 30 wasn't the end of the world, Fran.  It was a new beginning.  Now you can let all the foolishness of youth behind and do what you want to do to make yourself happy.  You can take all the life lessons you learned and use those to make your dreams come true.  And I hope you will."

"I want to, Granny."

"Make your dreams come true, Fran, because no one can do it for you."

It's a Party -- Part 2

When I awoke I was laying on the couch with a wet washcloth on my forehead.  Everyone was standing around staring at me.  At first, I thought I was dreaming but then I remembered where I was.  It was my 30th birthday party.

Almost immediately, I sat bolt upright and screamed at the top of my lungs.

Mama tried to calm me down, but I had to let my frustration out and nothing anyone did was going to stop it.  When I could finally breath, I looked around the room.  I was so livid, I couldn't even remember who some of the people were.

"Why did you do this to me?  You knew I didn't want a party.  You knew I didn't want to be reminded of my birthday."

Mama said, "Why would I want to forget my youngest child's birthday?"

I climbed up on the back of the couch.  "You've ruined my life.  I'll never be able to show my face around this town again."

"I think you're overreacting."

"Overreacting?  How am I suppose to react when my own mother makes a fool of me?"

"Fran, it took a lot of hard work planning this party."

Granny took Mama's arm and said, "Susanne, leave her alone.  Some people can't be helped."

To me, she said, "You need a shrink."

That was it.  I couldn't take it anymore.  I took my things and I left.  So much for the people who love me.

It's a Party

It finally happened.  I turned 30.  Luckily for me, mom said she wouldn't make a big deal about it because in her mind it's not a big deal, just another birthday, so we would have a small family dinner together the same way we also do.

Mama said to come over to dinner after I got home from work and had changed my clothes.  She told me to wear something nice because she would be taking my picture next to my birthday cake.  It's the same routine she's done for the past 29 years.

So I changed and went over to my parents' house.  Mama was there to greet me on the porch which I thought was a little odd.

"Why are you out here?  Where's Dad?"

"Oh, he's inside taking a nap."

"A nap?  I didn't think Dad took naps."

"Oh, he doesn't usually.  He just had a stressful week.  He'll tell you all about it.  You can go put your purse inside if you want.  Just be quiet."

I nodded and opened the door to the living room.  Mama followed closely behind me.  The room was dark.  I didn't hear any snoring.  The light switched on and the room was full of people.  It was a party.  I saw Dad, Brandon, Polly, Granny, Jessica, Lilly and a number of other people I recognized.

Suddenly, I felt very hot.  The room started to spin.  Everything went black.  I was falling.

 

To be continued .....

Thursday

I love my Granny Fletcher.  I try to visit her whenever I can.

When I was a little girl, Granny and I always have the best times.   We would talk and share secrets and she made me feel special.  Sometimes I wish I was still a little girl.

"So, Fran, I heard Lilly is engaged.  I imagine you are happy for her."

"Yes, very happy."

I told Granny I was happy but I'm not really.  I feel sad and alone and sooooo old.

"When was your last date, dear?"

"The other day."

Oh, please, don't remind me of Brian.  I was hoping Granny wouldn't ask me how it went and luckily it didn't.  Instead she brought up something much worse.

"You'll be turning 30 soon and I don't want you to die an old maid.  I think it's about time I gave you some pointers."

Pointers?  What sort of pointers could an 80 year old give when it comes to dating in the 21st century?  Last time Granny had a date Eisenhower was in office.  A lot has changed since then.

"Maybe you're boring in the bedroom, dear.  Have you tried -- "

"Granny."

"I'm only trying to help.  But sometimes I feel like you don't know what to give a man."

I, I, I don't know what to give a man?  I couldn't even answer.  I couldn't even open my mouth.  What was Granny saying?  That I was a horrible lover.  No, grandmothers don't think about such things.  No, she couldn't mean that.  She watches too much TV.

"You're 30th birthday is coming, Fran.  It's all downhill from here."