Swimsuit Shopping

The stores have swimsuits out so Jessica and I decided to go swimsuit shopping just for the fun of it.  I don't really have a need for a swimsuit.  I don't go swimming and I obviously won't be getting a vacation for a long time.  But Jessica wanted to go.

We each picked out a few we thought were pretty and went to the dressing room for a fashion show.  Jessica had Mackenzie in a stroller so she went into the handicapped room and I went into the one next to her.

"Okay," Jessica said, "one, two, three."

On the count of three, we both stepped out of our dressing rooms to show each other the suits we had picked out.

I had picked out a bikini, at Jessica's urging, but felt really uncomfortable standing there, even though she was the only person who could see me.

"Oh, Fran, Fran, Fran."

"What?"  I looked down and swiveled my hips, trying to look at my hips, stomach and butt.  I looked horrible.  I just knew it.

"It's nothing bad.  I wish I looked like you.  I can't get rid of this damn baby weight but you -- you look amazing."

"I what?" 

I was never a "you look amazing sort of girl".

"No, really, I'm not joking.  You have a body a lot of women would be envious of."

"Oh."

I saw tears swell up in Jessica's eyes.  I don't think she was jealous but she probably did have her feelings hurt a bit.  She never was skinny but now it was worst.

"Please don't feel bad.  This was supposed to be fun.  I don't know about you but I'd rather go try on some shoes."

I went back into the dressing room and quickly closed the door.

"You really should have Bill take you to a pool this summer."

I didn't answer immediately.  "Oh, okay.  Now what do you say about those shoes?"

There's an App for That

I desperately need a new phone.  My old cell is, like, five years old.  It's an embarrassment to use because people will think I'm not hip on technology.  I'm going into graphic design.  I need to be hip on technology.

Bill offered to take me.  He knows more about this stuff than I do.  So we went.

I let him do all the talking.  What do I know about 4G, FG, I don't know?  Camera pixels?  Screen size?  Speed?  Well, here's what the new phone looks like.

 

So when we were done, Bill helped me download apps.  Or is it upload apps?  Anyway, I have one for a ton of websites.

 

I'm going to have to read the owner's manual.  No way I want to look as stupid in real life as I do in this journal entry. 



There's a Sucker in Every Shoe Size

Lilly was insistant on a pink bridesmaids dress -- this you already knew -- so now I have to buy pink shoes.  Shoes I'll never wear again. Well, maybe I'll wear them again as an accent color.  But I'll never wear the dress again for sure.  Too, yew, ugly.

I went to PaySome Shoe Source to pick out a pair of white shoes that they'll dye the appropriate color.  There were a handful of styles.  Lilly said to pick out which ever kind I liked best so I did.  It has little flowers that go across the foot.

The sales woman asked me my size.  I told her 6.  I have worn a size six since I was 14.  Well, I tried them on and they felt tight.

"When's the last time you bought shoes," she asked.

 "About a year ago."

"Hum, I think we need to measure your foot."

My foot?  I thought they only did that with kids.  So, okay, I nodded and she brought the device over and measured.

"You're a six and a half."

"My foot grew?"

"Yes," she said.  "That can happen due to pregnancy, weight gain and age."

"Age?"

"Yes, age.  Are these the shoes you want?  We have them in your size."

I nodded.  Yes, my size.  Just what I always wanted:  Pink shoes and a growing, aging foot.

I placed my order and left the store feeling, well, different and not in a good way.  Who wants a larger foot?  Really, what's going to get larger next?  My butt?  My stomach?  My thighs?  Certainly not my ego.

Old Hat

You know how guys have lucky baseball caps?  I, too, have a lucky hat.  I've had it forever.  It's a lovely, little cloche hat that reminds me of the 1920s.  It's been with me every time something good has happened in my life.

The other day I was at Flor-Mart.  I was there to pick up a few odds and ends and check out the bargains.  I put my hat in my coat pocket.  I always put it there, in the same pocket.

After paying for my purchases, I reached into my pocket to find my hat and it was gone.  I felt my body get all tingly.  Where was it?  I searched both pockets, my purse, my bags, the floor around me.  No hat.  That's when I began to panic.

With my bags in hand I began running around the store like a mother searching for her lost child.  I retraced my footsteps.  I looked under things in case my hat fell and was kicked.  I looked everywhere.  Everywhere.  But I couldn't find it.

By this time, store security had found me and wondered what I was doing.  They were convinced I was attempting to shoplift.  I was taken in a backroom where they searched my purse, bags and pockets and patted me down.  I explained the situation to them.

One of the guards laughed.  "Why don't you buy a new hat?  You're at Flor-Mart.  Ten thousand square foot of every product under the sun."

I told them it was my lucky hat and I couldn't possibly ever replace it.  It was too precious to me.  Both guards laughed at me before telling me to leave the store.

I left with my heart heavy and my head hung low.