That Girl

We were sitting on the couch watching TV, nothing special.  I had had a hard day:  the usual work day followed by a couple of hours of classes.  Plus, I got lost in traffic today thanks to a detour.  I was tired and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep.

I was about ready to nod off when I heard Jessica say something.

"When we were high school, do you remember that girl?"

"What girl"

"You know, that girl, the one everyone wanted to be.  Rebecca Lawless."

I vaguely remembered Rebecca.  She was pretty.  All the guys liked her.  She was also smart and ambitious.

"What about Rebecca?"

"I ran into her today when I was running errands.  She wasn't what I expected."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean she had some disease of some kind, she said, and she looked like she'd been sick awhile.  Plus, not only that but she's been unemployed for like a year or something.  She gave me a job lead, though."

I finally lifted my head up from the back of the couch.  "If she's unemployed, why is she passing on the job lead to you."

"Because she was doing some executive management position and was overqualified for it but it fits me just fine so I think I'm going to do it.  It has something to do with merchandising at a department store."

"Well, that does sound like Rebecca, executive management."

I laid my head back down and Jessica was quiet.  Then just as I was again about to nod off she said something.

"You're the adult version of that girl, Fran?"

Again I lifted my head.  "How am I that girl?"

"Because you have a boyfriend who loves you, you look put together, you have a job that's halfway decent and you're going to school to be something you want to be.  Plus, you're smart."

"You could go back to school, too.  It took me a while to decide to do it but I'm happy I did."

She shook her head.  "How could I afford it?"

"I don't know.  There must be some way.  We can discuss it in the morning."

"Okay."

She nodded and I laid my head down.  I was that girl.

Swimsuit Shopping

The stores have swimsuits out so Jessica and I decided to go swimsuit shopping just for the fun of it.  I don't really have a need for a swimsuit.  I don't go swimming and I obviously won't be getting a vacation for a long time.  But Jessica wanted to go.

We each picked out a few we thought were pretty and went to the dressing room for a fashion show.  Jessica had Mackenzie in a stroller so she went into the handicapped room and I went into the one next to her.

"Okay," Jessica said, "one, two, three."

On the count of three, we both stepped out of our dressing rooms to show each other the suits we had picked out.

I had picked out a bikini, at Jessica's urging, but felt really uncomfortable standing there, even though she was the only person who could see me.

"Oh, Fran, Fran, Fran."

"What?"  I looked down and swiveled my hips, trying to look at my hips, stomach and butt.  I looked horrible.  I just knew it.

"It's nothing bad.  I wish I looked like you.  I can't get rid of this damn baby weight but you -- you look amazing."

"I what?" 

I was never a "you look amazing sort of girl".

"No, really, I'm not joking.  You have a body a lot of women would be envious of."

"Oh."

I saw tears swell up in Jessica's eyes.  I don't think she was jealous but she probably did have her feelings hurt a bit.  She never was skinny but now it was worst.

"Please don't feel bad.  This was supposed to be fun.  I don't know about you but I'd rather go try on some shoes."

I went back into the dressing room and quickly closed the door.

"You really should have Bill take you to a pool this summer."

I didn't answer immediately.  "Oh, okay.  Now what do you say about those shoes?"

It Ain't Me

A few months ago, you would be hard pressed to hear me say what I am about it say.  But I am so glad I'm me.  I have finally discovered there are people worst off than I am.  It could be worse.  I could be Jessica.

Jessica has been a nervous wreck for days.  She's always crying.  I'm not sure who cries more, her or Mackenzie. 

She can't find a job.  I know she's tried.  For real this time, not the sale consultant crap. 

Her marriage is in ruins.  She was cheated on, given a disease.  He was the breadwinner and, because she left, he has the house and will no doubt get to keep it now.

She is flat out miserable.

I, meanwhile, have a job that pays me well enough to live alone in a decent neighborhood.  I have a man who treats me well.

I am so glad I am not Jessica.  So glad.

The Attorney

Why am I always taking time off for my friends?   First, it was Lilly and the awful pink.  Now it's Jessica and the attorney.

I didn't want to go.  I didn't think they would let me into the room anyway, seeing as I'm not a relative.  I had to stay in the waiting room with Mackenzie.

I looked around the room and immediately felt uncomfortable.  It was like a doctor's office, nicely decorated and clean but you know nothing nice is going on behind the closed doors.  We were the only ones there.

I grabbed a magazine off the side table and tried reading.  They were business magazines and I immediately felt stupid.  Note to self:  I need to get more educated on current events.

After what seemed like forever, Jessica came out of the attorney's office, tissue in hand, again crying.

"So did you go through with it?"

She shook her head yes and bare got out a verbal response.  "I did it.  The paperwork is going to be filed."

I was happy for her.  She did the right thing.

The Argument

Other than relatives I have never had a roommate before.  Sure Jessica and Mackenzie stay in the spare bedroom but their stuff is everywhere.  Sometimes I hear conversations Jessica has with other people while on the phone.  I don't mean to overhear but sometimes it's unavoidable.

Like tonight. 

Jessica was saying, "You're such a liar.  How could you say I gave it to you?  I was tested while I was pregnant and I was healthy then.

"Oh, yeah?  And when would I have had time to do that?  If you haven't noticed, I've been busy taking care of my daughter.

"I don't care if she's half yours.  I don't see you begging to see her.  I don't see you making an effort.

"Yeah, well, you'll have to pay alimony and child support.  No more new sports cars for you.

"Well, you should have thought of that before, shouldn't you have?

"Back at ya, creep."

She hung up.  I tried to walk away quickly but she knew I was there.  She burst into tears and started crying on my shoulder. 

"My life is coming to an end," she said.

Babysitter

I can't tell you how many times I've disinfected my living room after Jessica's product party.  I still feel dirty sitting in there.

I offered to babysit today so Jessica could go look for a real job.  I helped her pick out a dress and did her makeup.  She looked very professional.  I know she has plans to apply to a few places in person and go down to the unemployment office for advice.  Good luck there, but I didn't tell her that.

Mackenzie has been crying the entire time she's been gone.  I don't know what to do.  I don't babysit, she doesn't get a real job.  I do babysit and I'm stuck with a baby.

I've changed her and fed her.  She's in her crib now.  Crying.  I'm guessing she misses her mother.  Can a baby miss her mother?

Maybe she could use some chocolate milk.  All kids like chocolate milk, right?  I'll have to look that up online.

I just hope Jessica is having some luck.

Toys! Toys! Toys?

I came home from work to find my living room filled with strange women.  I paused, unseen, in the kitchen and listened to what was going on.  There was a lot of giggling. 

After a few minutes, I heard Jessica's voice.  She was saying something about quality and fit and driving a man wild.  Then she held up a piece of lingerie.  She passed it around for the crowd to see.

The next thing she showed them was a bottle of lotion.  She talked about quality for the price and how it was edible.  It, too, she passed around the room.

Then she held up a sex toy and started to demonstrate it.

I had had enough.  I walked into the living room as if I was just arriving home and said, "What in the hell is going on here?"

The women turned and looked at me.  I didn't recognize any of them.  Who were these people?

Jessica excused herself and went with me into the kitchen. 

"Well, you told me to get a job.  That's what I did."

"You have got to be kidding me.  You have sex toys in my house!"

"Yeah.  I'm a sales consultant for Lovey Dubbie Products.  They sell lingerie and all that other stuff.  I get a commission off everything I sell."

"When I said get a job, I meant a real job.  One with a steady paycheck and benefits.  Not one where you have to throw sex parties."

"That's not technically a sex party, Fran."

I held both my hands up.  "It doesn't matter.  Finish up and get them out of here.  You should be ashamed of taking advantage of these people."

Jessica went back to her party.  I got my keys and went out for a drink.

Get a Job

Since when have I been forced to be an adult?  Well, let me explain myself.  I have been an adult for a while, but I had no one I was responsible for but me.  Now, I feel like I have Jessica to be responsible for, too. 

She's now my roommate, I suppose, technically, but she does nothing other than take care of Mackenzie.  I'm still doing all the cooking and cleaning.  More importantly, I'm still paying all the rent myself.  So now I feel like a parent with a unruly teenager.  We're the same age, but, geez, act like it.

"Jessica, how long do you think you'll be living here?"

"Until things get resolved with Mike, I suppose."

"When might that be?"

"I don't know.  I'm going to divorce him.  I just haven't had the guts yet to go get a lawyer."

"Oh."  Great, she was going to be here for a while longer, making what I was about to say necessary.  "If you're going to be staying here for a long time, I'm going to have to insist you get a job.  You're going to have to build up a resume and save some money so you can get a place of your own."

"How am I going to work with a newborn?"

"How do other moms do it?  If they can do it, so can you.  You don't want to rely on Mike for money if you're going to get a divorce."

She shook her head.  "No, I don't want to rely on that slime bucket.  I'll start tomorrow."

Good.  I was pleased.  That went better than I expected.

Roommate

I pulled in under the carport, relieved it was Friday.  Bill was stuck at a business meeting so it was going to be a quiet evening at home before a date tomorrow night.  I had plans to dye my hair blond for a party we were going to.

I went inside the house and turned on the lights.  Not long after, the doorbell rang.  I wasn't expecting anyone so the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.  I looked out the peephole.  It was Jessica.

I opened the door.  Jessica was standing there with Mackenzie and a suitcase.

"I'm moving in," she said before even saying hello.

I shook my head, eyes wide.

"You said to let you know if there was anything you could do."

"Yes, but, I, I mean."

"Good.  I have more stuff in the car.  I'll get it later."

Huh, what had just happened?

"Jessica, what do you mean you're moving in?"

"I left home.  I couldn't stand to be in the same house as Mike anymore."

I thought when couples had fights, it was the man who always left.  Had I missed something?

"Don't stand there looking like a deer in headlights, Fran.  I left the slime bucket.  I packed some stuff and left while he was at work.  Mike has no clue where I am.  We had a huge blowout fight last night.  He said he has always been faithful to me.  He said I was lying, that I was the one who cheated.  I was sick, sick."

"He has no clue where you are?"

Jessica shook her head.  "No, and I want to keep it that way."

Slime Bucket

Do you remember when you first met me?  Do you remember how I was desperately jealous of all my friends because they were married?  Well, I had never really given that much thought.  To me, marriage had always meant having someone there who loves you no matter your flaws and who is at your side no matter what.  That is what I always thought.  Until now.

Jessica called.  I had just gotten home, had literally just stepped in the door and barely had my coat off when the phone rang.  She knew this was the time I normally get home so I automatically assumed she had in car accident and was dying in the hospital.

She was crying when I answered.  But she didn't sound hurt; she sounded angry.

"You'll never believe what that slime bucket did."

I shook my head even though she couldn't see me.  "What slime bucket?"

"Mike.  Do you know what that slime bucket did?"

Mike was Jessica's husband.  I didn't know him very well.  I had only met him a handful of times.

"No, what happened?"

"I found out he had been cheating on me and had been for months."

"What?  How?"

"Syphilis."

She was sobbing so hard I could barely understand her. 

"What?"

"You heard me."

Suddenly, I felt very dizzy and sat down.  How awful for her.  I had never been in this situation before, so I wasn't quite sure how to handle it.

"Let me know if there's anything I can do."

Nothing to Wear

What am I to wear on this date with Bill tonight?

I called Jessica who suggested clothing.

I called Lilly who suggested I pick out the nicest dress I have and wear the sexiest heels I have but try not to look like a tramp at the same time.

Somehow I think Jessica's advice was not as valuable as Lilly's.  I went into my closet and, after several hours, picked out a black cocktail dress and red heels.  But I feel self conscious in it and plan on wearing a shawl.

I didn't know what to do with my hair either so I decided to leave it the way I normally wear it and maybe just pin it behind my ears so it doesn't fall into my food.

So what do I do with my makeup?  I love a dramatic eye.  I love dramatic eyelashes.  I once tried to wear fake eyelashes but I ended up gluing my eyelids together.  I haven't tried since.

Tonight I was using a brand new mascara.   It has a different shaped brush than what I am used to it.  I'm so nervous for my date tonight.  My hand was shaking.  As I was doing my left eye I hit the eyeball with the brush.

I am in so much pain.  My eye hurts.  For a while I couldn't even open my eye.  The makeup on that side of my face is ruined and needs redone.  What am I going to do?  What if it's like this forever?

It's a Party

It finally happened.  I turned 30.  Luckily for me, mom said she wouldn't make a big deal about it because in her mind it's not a big deal, just another birthday, so we would have a small family dinner together the same way we also do.

Mama said to come over to dinner after I got home from work and had changed my clothes.  She told me to wear something nice because she would be taking my picture next to my birthday cake.  It's the same routine she's done for the past 29 years.

So I changed and went over to my parents' house.  Mama was there to greet me on the porch which I thought was a little odd.

"Why are you out here?  Where's Dad?"

"Oh, he's inside taking a nap."

"A nap?  I didn't think Dad took naps."

"Oh, he doesn't usually.  He just had a stressful week.  He'll tell you all about it.  You can go put your purse inside if you want.  Just be quiet."

I nodded and opened the door to the living room.  Mama followed closely behind me.  The room was dark.  I didn't hear any snoring.  The light switched on and the room was full of people.  It was a party.  I saw Dad, Brandon, Polly, Granny, Jessica, Lilly and a number of other people I recognized.

Suddenly, I felt very hot.  The room started to spin.  Everything went black.  I was falling.

 

To be continued .....

Here Comes the Bridesmaid

Lilly is having lunch with me today.  It was nice seeing her.  We haven't really hung out much since she got engaged to Jerry.  I knew that would happen.  It happened with Jessica and my other friends, too.  No one has time for me anymore.

We went to a nice coffeeshop between our hometown and the city.  We ordered sandwhiches and high caffeinated beverages then started to catch up.

Of course Lilly had to bring up the wedding.  I groaned inside.  So she was planning that thing out already?  Like, what, two years in advance?

"Oooh, oooh, oooh, I have something important to ask you," Lilly said taking my hands.  "You're my best friend.  Will you be my maid of honor?"

I was speechless.  The maid of honor?  How could I do that when I was secretly jealous she was getting married in the first place?  But at the same time she is my best friend.  It would hurt her feelings if I said no.

Lilly was sitting there, smiling, waiting for a response. 

Say something, you idiot, I thought.  "Yes, I'll do it."

"Wonderful.  You'll have to come dress shopping with me and be my second opinion on everything."

Her second opinion on everything?  Like, literally, everything?  She didn't ask me my opinion on marrying Jerry.

Lilly started to dig through her purse.  "We'll have to schedule a shopping day!"

Yes, a shopping day.

"Fun."  I smiled.

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

There's A Spud Born Every Minute -- Part 2

I made it Jessica's room.  Her room was full of flowers.  I guess I picked out the wrong gift after all.  I can't win.  I set the flowers down and walked over to the bed.

"You look like hell, Fran.  What happened?"

"It was nothing really.  Remember Elliot?"

"I don't know, Fran.  You've had so many boyfriends.  Is he the one who likes to sit around all day drinking beer and watching Sport Network?"

"Liked.  He's very successful now.  Probably owns a Mercedes."

"Really?"  Jessica sat up, clearly interested.

I had to change the subject.  "Where is Spuds Mackenzie?'

Jessica pointed to the little hospital crib thingy next to her bed.  "Right there.  Why would you call her that?"

"No reason.  Seeing Elliot was a big surprise."

"What you need, Fran, is a successful man who wants to settle down, not a string of losers.  You need to go to where the successful people are."

I walked over to Mackenzie and feigned interest.  I couldn't think of anything other than Elliot and the "wonderful girl" he had met after me.  I can be wonderful and inspiring, too. 

"Well, there is a corporate singles mixer in the city this Friday.  I was thinking of going."

"You definitely need to, Fran.  It will do you some good."

There's A Spud Born Every Minute -- Part 1

Jessica had her baby, in the wee hours of the night, so after work I decided to go visit her.  I stopped first in the gift shop to buy her something.  I didn't know what to get.

Do I buy something for Jessica or something for the baby?  I had no idea what the protocol is for this sort of thing.  I asked the cashier and between cracks of gum I swear she rolled her eyes at me.  Finally I settled on some overpriced flowers for Jessica.  The baby got enough gifts at the baby shower anyway, I figured.

I asked the women at the front desk how to get to the maternity ward and promptly got lost.  Somehow I got off on the wrong floor or took a wrong turn or something.  All those corridors look alike.

At one point I heard a familiar voice calling my name.  I turned and there was one of my old boyfriends, Elliot, walking up to me.

We exchanged pleasantries.  I told him I was here visiting Jessica.  He made fun of me for being very far from the maternity ward.

"What are you doing here?"

"I work for the hospital now.  Yeah, I went into hospital management."

Hum, that was very interesting.  I rubbed the back of my neck and as I did so noticed a ring on his finger.

"You're married."

"Funny thing," he laughed, "I meet a wonderful girl after we broke up.  She urged me to go to school then we got married.  We have two kids now and one on the way."

"Yes, very funny."

I excused myself and sprinted back to the elevators.  Elliot's a career man now, a father married to a "wonderful girl"?  When I knew him, he had no motivation, no wish for a family and thought school was for snobs.  I guess that proves I'm not so wonderful.

Saturday

Normally I love Saturdays.  I get to sleep in and have a leisurely day.  No work, no thoughts of work or how I'm a failure.

Today I was reminded of how I am a failure.  Remember how I said all my friends are married?  Well, some have children.  My friend Jessica is about to have her first.  Saturday was the baby shower.

The baby is going to be named Mackenzie.  Apparently I'm the only one who remembers those Spuds Mackenzie commercials because the name reminds of a dog every time I hear it.  Truly awful.  But Jessica and so many others seem to love it.

The baby shower was excruciating.  I saw all my friends -- all the ones who are happy and satisfied with their lives.  There were so many gifts, so, so many gifts.  And then there was Jessica.  She looked pregnant and fantastic at the same time.  How is that possible?

I looked around at all my friends.  Why do they have all the things they want and I have nothing?  They have good jobs, nice houses, husbands and children.  I want that, yet life has seen fit to not give it to me.  What am I doing wrong?  Why is karma out to get me?  Why, why, why?