Home Again, Home Again

I have not been home since I moved so today was the day.  I had it planned in advance and made the trip, making a point to visit Granny and my brother before my parents.

Mama made an early dinner.  She had made my favorites.  Just as I was feeling loved, she turned to me and said, "Fran, I know the only reason you came home is because your grandmother is leaving."

Dad, upon hearing this, spit out his coffee but said nothing.

"Why would you say that, Mama."

"Because I know you.  You've always loved her grandmother more than me.  Once she leaves you'll probably never come back."

Dad pushed his plate back, stood and left the room.  Did he sense an argument coming?

"What do you mean?"

"You've always preferred her company, spending time with her, having conversation."

"Are you jealous, Mama?"

At that moment, Mama burst into tears, full blown, sobbing tears.  She was breathing heavily.  "I'm very jealous.  You're my daughter, not hers,"  she somehow managed to say.

For a minute or two I stood here dumbfounded.  What was a I supposed to say or do?  I grabbed my napkin and ran over to her side, threw my arm around her and wiped her nose.

"There, there, Mama, I really do love you."

Sad, Sad

I'm still feeling very depressed.  All I seem to do is sleep and cry.  I feel lost and hopeless.  In this economy, how am I going to find a new job?

I haven't even wanted to see Bill although I will take his phone calls.  I won't take anyone else's calls, though.  I don't want to be seen or heard.  But, for whatever reason, I had the overwhelming urge to call Mama.

"Mama, I have horrible news," I said to her when she asked how I was doing.

"What did you loose your job" she said, joking.

"Yes, Mama."  I started to cry.  "And my surgery scar still looks like Frankenstein and ... "

"Fran, what surgery?  What are you talking about?"

I apologized for not calling or emailing like I should have.  I told her the whole story and I felt worse than I had before. 

"Well, if all else fails, Fran, you know you're welcome to come home."

Come home?  The last thing I wanted to do was come home.  I'll probably have nightmares about that one for weeks.

"Thank you, Mama.  I'm just sad, sad, sad today."

"I know, baby, everything is going to be okay."

But is it?

I'm Moving

"What is it, Fran, that you had to have all us over here?"

"Well." 

I looked around my living room.   I had called my parents and Brandon over to tell them about the townhouse.  I didn't have the heart to tell Granny.  I figured she would hear it from someone and then tell me I'm insane again.  This was hard enough as is without putting myself in that position.

"Well, Dad, I've decided to move."

"Oh, well, you're being so dramatic about it.  What's the big deal?  You probably need something with a little lower maintenance.  There are some newer homes across town you might want to take a look at once you find a realtor."

"Next week.  I'm moving next week.  I already signed a lease on a townhouse in the city."

Mama rolled her eyes.  "Fran, you still own this house.  Don't you think you should have sold it first?"

"I'll sell it.  I'll auction it if I have to, but I'm moving."

"You're going to be paying mortgage and rent at the same time.  This won't be doing your credit or bank account any favors."

"Properties move fast in the city.  If I didn't sign the lease, it would be gone."

"Then you find another one, Fran.  Really, do you have no common sense?"

Dad sat there with his arms folded across his chest while Mama, next to him, seemed very angry at me. Only Brandon said nothing.

We sat there in silence for several minutes.  It was exactly responses like that from Mama that proved why I need to leave here and find my own way.

"Okay," Brandon said, "if you're going to put yourself in financial jeopardy, the least I can do is help you move."

It's a Party -- Part 2

When I awoke I was laying on the couch with a wet washcloth on my forehead.  Everyone was standing around staring at me.  At first, I thought I was dreaming but then I remembered where I was.  It was my 30th birthday party.

Almost immediately, I sat bolt upright and screamed at the top of my lungs.

Mama tried to calm me down, but I had to let my frustration out and nothing anyone did was going to stop it.  When I could finally breath, I looked around the room.  I was so livid, I couldn't even remember who some of the people were.

"Why did you do this to me?  You knew I didn't want a party.  You knew I didn't want to be reminded of my birthday."

Mama said, "Why would I want to forget my youngest child's birthday?"

I climbed up on the back of the couch.  "You've ruined my life.  I'll never be able to show my face around this town again."

"I think you're overreacting."

"Overreacting?  How am I suppose to react when my own mother makes a fool of me?"

"Fran, it took a lot of hard work planning this party."

Granny took Mama's arm and said, "Susanne, leave her alone.  Some people can't be helped."

To me, she said, "You need a shrink."

That was it.  I couldn't take it anymore.  I took my things and I left.  So much for the people who love me.

It's a Party

It finally happened.  I turned 30.  Luckily for me, mom said she wouldn't make a big deal about it because in her mind it's not a big deal, just another birthday, so we would have a small family dinner together the same way we also do.

Mama said to come over to dinner after I got home from work and had changed my clothes.  She told me to wear something nice because she would be taking my picture next to my birthday cake.  It's the same routine she's done for the past 29 years.

So I changed and went over to my parents' house.  Mama was there to greet me on the porch which I thought was a little odd.

"Why are you out here?  Where's Dad?"

"Oh, he's inside taking a nap."

"A nap?  I didn't think Dad took naps."

"Oh, he doesn't usually.  He just had a stressful week.  He'll tell you all about it.  You can go put your purse inside if you want.  Just be quiet."

I nodded and opened the door to the living room.  Mama followed closely behind me.  The room was dark.  I didn't hear any snoring.  The light switched on and the room was full of people.  It was a party.  I saw Dad, Brandon, Polly, Granny, Jessica, Lilly and a number of other people I recognized.

Suddenly, I felt very hot.  The room started to spin.  Everything went black.  I was falling.

 

To be continued .....

Perfect Polly

"Polly's coming to visit this weekend,"  Mama said to me when she came over to help me make my own dinner.

"Why?"

Mama squinted at me.  "Because she loves us, Fran."

Polly is my older sister, my perfect older sister.  We have never really seen eye to eye.  She was always an overacheiver while I was a screw up.

When we were in school, Polly was popular.  She was a great student, involved in a lot of activities and she went away to college.  I, meanwhile, was unpopular, a C student and had no ambition whatsoever.  I can't say Brandon was much better than me, but at least he owns a business.  What have I done?

Even as adults, Polly has had the best of me.  Because she was college educated, she got a good job.  She makes a lot of money.  She married well, a handsome guy with an equally good job.  They live several hours away in a wonderful house with a gorgous manicured garden.  Together they have two children.  They are the epitome of success.  And she has everything I would want.

Because she is so perfect we have never really gotten along, not just in childhood but now.  When I heard she was coming, I was anything but excited.  I wanted to know why she would want to come back here of all places.

"How long is she staying?"

"Just a few days.  It would be nice if you could try to be nice to her."

Oh, of course, I have to be nice to her.  Why doesn't she have to be nice to me?  It's just like Mama to take sides.

"Fine.  I'll cook dinner for her."

"Fran, you can barely cook your own dinner right now."

"I can do it."

I waved my hand.  Sore butt muscle be damned, I was going to prove I can be just as perfect as Polly by making a great dinner.

Blind Date Fred

Never let your mother set you up on a blind date.  It will never work out.  She'll describe him to be perfect when in fact he's, well, you'll figure it out.

What she said:  "He'd be perfect for you, Fran.  You're names sound so cute together, too.  Fran and Fred.  He's named after his grandfather, you know."

What really happened:  "I was named after Fred Flintstone which is kinda good because I sorta look like him."

What she said:  "He in a career field that's in demand."

What really happened:  "I work in sanitation maintenance.  Yep, I'm a janitor."

What she said:  "He's very polite."

What really happened:  BURP!

What she said:  "He's interested in settling down and starting a family."

What really happened:  "I hate kids."

What she said:  "He's highly educated." 

What really happened:  "I'm kinda thinkin' I should go get my GED."

What she said:  "You're both in the same place in your life."

Huh?  What, Mom?  What do you mean by that?  The same place in our lives?  What does that say about me?  Mom?  Really?  Mom, what were you thinking?