The Proposal

Bill had a big surprise for me tonight.  He took me to my favorite restaurant to celebrate all I have accomplished in the past year.  I was told I could order anything I wanted to so I picked out fillet Mignon.  I had always wanted to try it but was afraid of the prices.  It was pretty good.

Afterward, he suggested we order a large ice cream sundae and share it.  I was full from my meal but agreed anyway.  He ordered one that was Neapolitan. 

The waiter brought it out on a silver platter.  First he set down our spoons then the tray.  On the tray was a little box.  I stared at it, confused.

Bill said, "I thought you deserved one more surprise for the night."

Bill opened the box and inside was a ring.  He got down on one knee and put the ring on my finger.  "Francesca Fletcher, will you marry me."

I shrieked and clapped my hands over my mouth.  Stunned, I sat there for a moment then screamed yes and threw my arms around his neck.

Some people in the restaurant applauded.

We sat down and finished our ice cream.

Best dinner of my life ever!

I Love You

Oh, my God, the most incredible thing happened.  Bill told me he loves me! 

I couldn't believe it.  We had just gotten into the car after we left a restaurant and he said it before we drove away.

I had been looking out the window and I turned and looked at him.  "What?"

"I love you."

"You do?"

"Don't look so confused, Fran.  I love you.  There are many reasons why."

He reach over and kissed me.

I still can't believe it now.  I've never had a man tell me that before -- ever.

Kiss Cam

The basketball game Bill was talking about the other day turned out to be a NBA game in a huge arena.  All and all I have to say basketball is very boring but I went to make Bill happy.

I found the crowd to be the most entertaining part of the entire game.  We were sitting next to a couple of hecklers.  They kept shouting critiques and obscenities at the players.  I don't think the players could hear them or cared even if they did.

The most memorable part of the night was during a commercial break when we ended up on Kiss Cam.  Once upon a time I would have been mortified to be kissed in front of a crowd like that, but once upon a time I dated losers.  Bill is not a loser.  He is a winner.

We kissed until the people around us told us we were no longer on camera.

After the game, when we were leaving, some people recognized us and shouted "kiss cam" at us so we kissed again ever time this happened.

That part was fun, being impetuous.

A Suitor

I haven't mentioned it in a while, but class has been going well.  I still go, haven't missed a class, and I still do my studies online.  It's just that with everything else going on lately I haven't mentioned it.  The other things were just so much more interesting.

Chad sits next to me in class a lot.  I don't really know anything about his background.  We chat on occasion, just about school and stuff.

A few days ago, he called me aside when we were all leaving class.  He seemed nervous.  I figured it was probably about our upcoming test but turns out something else was on his mind.

"Um, Fran," he said rubbing his neck and looking down at my shoes, "I like you a lot and we're not going to be in this class for many more months.  I was wondering if, um, you'd go out with me sometime.  Just for coffee or something like that."

"Well, Chad, I'm very flattered, but I have a boyfriend.  I had one before I even started this course."

He looked at me then down again.  "Oh.  I'm sorry to have bothered you."

"No, don't feel bad.  You didn't know."

I walked away then.  I felt that staying there longer would just make the situation worse.  I felt bad for Chad but I felt good for myself.  That's the first time in my whole life that a guy has asked me out and I've been able to say I have a boyfriend.  Usually I just had to go out with whoever because I didn't have any other choices.

Now, hopefully Chad's not a stalker.

Movie Sized

You may be wondering what happened to Bill's finger.  Well, we went to stat care where they x-rayed it, cleaned it and stitched it up.  He has to leave it bandaged up for a while, just to be on the safe side.  He's otherwise okay.

Tonight we decided to go to the movies.  We hadn't been to the movies in a while.  We figured we both needed a good laugh so we picked a comedy.  To save money, we bought one large drink and one large popcorn to share.

Throughout the course of the movie, we passed both the popcorn and the drink back and forth.

At one point, midway through, Bill reached for the cup with his injured hand.  The cup slipped from his grasp where it landed on my lap and spilled everywhere.

I shrieked and jumped up.  At first Bill didn't know what happened.  People sitting in the rows behind us started to shout at me to sit down. 

"I'm cold and wet," I shouted back, "I will not sit down."

Someone shouted an obscenity about me being wet.  Bill shouted back at him.  I thought they were going to fight.  I was frightened.

Somehow, I'm not quite sure how, they did not fight.  I ran off to the bathroom for paper towels.

The Parrot

"What kind of pet should I get?"

"I don't know.  What kind do you like?"

"Birds," Bill said.  "I've always liked birds.  Do you like birds?"

"They're okay.  I'm not a big fan of their poop."

We stepped inside the pet store and smell of animal hit me immediately.  I wrinkled my nose and tried not to start coughing.  What did Bill need a pet for anyway?  He worked for 40 plus hours a week.  We went out a lot.  Why a pet?

"Maybe a fish.  You are gone a lot, Bill."

"No, I like birds."

I sighed.  Fine, let's go look at birds.  I rolled my eyes.  Seemed nothing would dissuade him now.

We went over to the bird section.  A parrot was sitting on a perch outside a cage.

"Oh, look at him," Bill said and reached to pet the parrot.

He yelped and pulled his finger back.  "He bit me."

"You're bleeding.  You're bleeding."

I started jumping up and down, flailing my arms.  The manager ran over, concerned, concerned he was going to be sued.

"You shouldn't have done that, sir.  You come in here at your own risk.  You can't sue us."

"Bandage him up," I said.

The manage brought over a paper towel and we left to take Bill to stat care.

Pizza, Pizza

Bill took me on a food date tonight.  It was an opportunity for us to learn to cook together.  I'm all for a man who can cook for himself so I told him it was a fantastic idea.

The pizzeria the lesson was affiliated with was swanky, a little too fancy for someone like me.  They took us back into the kitchen which was squeaky clean.

We started first, obviously, making the dough.  A chef showed us how to make the dough and then later how to shape it.  It was very sensual.  Bill stood behind me and together we kneaded the dough into a circle.

"It still seems kinda thick to me,"  Bill said.

"Well, some people like a thick crust.  I'm okay with it."

"I'd like to try something first."

Bill picked up the dough and began throwing it up in the air like we've seen people do on TV.  The chef didn't seem to like it but he didn't stop us either. 

Bill tossed the dough higher and higher.  One toss went higher than he intended and the dough came down on his head.

I gasped and threw my arms up in the air.  The chef came running and pulled the dough off of Bill's head.

I was beyond mortified but Bill was laughing.  I started to laugh, too.

"I'm so sorry, sir," the chef said, "I should have stepped in and said something.  I'll speak to my manager about a discount for the inconvenience."

The chef left the room. 

Bill smiled and whispered in my ear, "If I had known that, I would have burned myself and would could have got the entire lesson for free."

We started laughing again.

Head Knockers

"Have you ever read the book Tommyknockers,"  Bill asked me earlier tonight.  "Or maybe seen the made-for-TV movie?"

I shook my head.  I had never heard of it, but it already sounded like something my book club would never read.

"I don't know much about the classics."

Bill laughed.  "Stephen King wrote it.  I'm not sure if that qualifies as a classic or not."

I laughed, too.  "Probably not."

"It's my favorite book.  Do you want to hear about it?"

Did I have a choice?  I shook my head, and he began telling me about aliens and mystery gas.  I wasn't quite sure.  I never really liked sci-fi or horror.  But Bill did like it.  I could tell from his facial expression and how he seemed so excited.

"What's your favorite book?"

Bill pushed some of my hair back behind my ear while I stared, trying to think what my favorite book is so I would have something intelligent to say.  Just then I realized he was leaning forward to kiss me.  To kiss me?  I panicked so I started leaning forward, too, and we clonked foreheads.

We both rubbed our foreheads.  I couldn't look him in the eye.  I felt ridiculous.  But I guess he didn't feel ridiculous because he kissed first my forehead and then my lips.

Ankles Crossed

Yesterday was my second date with Bill and I'm in pain.

We decided to go ice skating.  I have never been ice skating  in my life.  Bill said he had a few times but it had been years.  Still, it sounded like fun.

The rink was nice.  I didn't realise they were so large.

"If you like this," Bill said, "I know where we can go when the weather is colder.  An outdoor rink."

Hum, so Bill sees us together when the weather is colder?  I smiled to myself.  He was either optimistic or psychotic.  I wasn't sure.

We both shook as we got on the ice.  I was shakier than he was.  Why do I do these things to myself, agree to do things I've never done before?  People were speeding by, even kids, and I felt like an awkward idiot.

"You'll be okay.  Come on."

Bill offered me his hand and we skated, slowly, around the rink arm in arm.  It actually would have been romantic if I wasn't so scared on falling onto the ice and cracking open my skull.

"Do you think we'll be okay to go a little faster," Bill asked.  "I feel like we're a speed hazard here and I don't want some hot shot to run into us."

I nodded and took a deep breath.  "Let's go."

"Are you sure?"

"Let's go for it.  I enjoy being a dare devil."

What a lie, but what was I supposed to say to him?  That I'd prefer using one of those walker things on ice that young kids and disabled people use?

So we started going faster for a while.  It was fine.  We were fine.  Then all of a sudden our feet got tangled up and we both ended up falling our our butts.  And we both sprained our ankles, only on different feet.

We're both on crutches.  Sexy.

It's a Lobster

By dinner, my eye was still bloodshot and in pain but at least it had quit watering.  Well, mostly quit watering.

We ordered lobster just like Bill said we would.  I've never had lobster before  -- at least not a whole one.  I started picking at it with my fork, trying to open the shell.

"So do you want to work in customer service forever," Bill asked, striking a nerve.

I hate my job.  Do I tell him that?  Do I finally tell him about going back to school?  What do I say?

I squinted my injured eye.  "It's definitely not my dream job.  I'm going back to school to get a degree in graphic design."

"That's wonderful.  Maybe some day you'll be able to work at Net Tech with me."

Just as Bill said this, movements from my fork caused my lobster to fly off of my plate and across the table and over Bill's shoulder.  It hit the back of the booth and fell down to the seat with a thud.

The people dining next to us turned and gave us a strange look.  I look from left to right, not knowing what to do.  One eye was wide, the other nearly swollen shut.  Were my chances with Bill ruined?

"Sorry, I've never had lobster that was still in the shell before."

Bill picked up the lobster and put it back on the plate.  "The meat is on the inside so you can still eat it.  But you need this tool.  I'll show you."

Sure enough Bill showed me how to break open a lobster.  And he didn't get mad.

Nothing to Wear

What am I to wear on this date with Bill tonight?

I called Jessica who suggested clothing.

I called Lilly who suggested I pick out the nicest dress I have and wear the sexiest heels I have but try not to look like a tramp at the same time.

Somehow I think Jessica's advice was not as valuable as Lilly's.  I went into my closet and, after several hours, picked out a black cocktail dress and red heels.  But I feel self conscious in it and plan on wearing a shawl.

I didn't know what to do with my hair either so I decided to leave it the way I normally wear it and maybe just pin it behind my ears so it doesn't fall into my food.

So what do I do with my makeup?  I love a dramatic eye.  I love dramatic eyelashes.  I once tried to wear fake eyelashes but I ended up gluing my eyelids together.  I haven't tried since.

Tonight I was using a brand new mascara.   It has a different shaped brush than what I am used to it.  I'm so nervous for my date tonight.  My hand was shaking.  As I was doing my left eye I hit the eyeball with the brush.

I am in so much pain.  My eye hurts.  For a while I couldn't even open my eye.  The makeup on that side of my face is ruined and needs redone.  What am I going to do?  What if it's like this forever?

Hidee Ho, Bill

I often see Bill at lunch.  Sometimes we even share a table and we chat.

Even though Bill works at a company that employs graphic artists, I've never told him I signed up for graphic design classes and that they start in a few weeks.  I'm afraid what he might think.  Well, I mean, I think he would be okay with me going back to school, especially considering the program I'm in.  It's what I've decided to study that makes me nervous.  I don't want him to think I'm doing this because of him or that, worse, that I have some sort of adolescent crush on him.

We're adults here.  We're not supposed to have crushes on people, right?  You're just kinda supposed to know, aren't you?  Just know.

I've never really had that.  I've always just gone out with anyone mildly attractive who found me attractive.  Maybe that's my problem.  I never knew.

But today's lunch threw me for a loop.  We were having a quiet lunch when Bill said, "We've been having lunch most work days for a while.  What do you think that means?"

"It means we're too cheap to go out and buy our lunch."

Bill laughed so hard he knocked over an entire bag of pretzels that went spewing all over the table.  "I like you, Fran."

"You do?"  I cleared my throat.  "I mean, of course you do."

"So I was wondering if you'd share another meal with me.  Do you like seafood?"

I looked up at him, dumbfounded.  "You mean like fish and stuff?"

"Yeah, fish and stuff.  I know you haven't lived in the city for too long so I wanted to take you to this little place I know that has excellent lobster."

Lobster?  I finally got it.  Bill was asking me out?  Yes, he was asking me out.  Don't say anything stupid, Fran.  Don't say anything stupid.

"Sure I would love to."

"Wonderful,"  Bill said, "it's a date then."

I Need a Change

I've thought really long and hard since my birthday and the laundry list of apologies I was forced to make as a consequence of it.  I've come to the conclusion that I need a change, a major change not just a new nail polish color.

And I need a change in numerous aspects of my life.  So I've decided to do something about it.  I just don't know what yet.

Here is my list:

• I need a new job.  Hate the current one.
• I'd love to be a graphic designer.  Need to go back to school.
• This town is too damn small.
• I date losers and I what that says about me.  I so want to date someone who isn't a loser but has goals, dreams and ambitions.

Moon Over Hickville

I've said before that I live in small town.  Too small sometimes.  We're large enough that everyone doesn't know everyone else but small enough that we're all related if you go back far enough.

There is a social club here.  There is no membership; you just have to live within village limits.  I haven't been there in years so, for whatever reason, tonight I decided to go. 

What a mistake.  There was no one there whom I would be interested in.  They were either teenagers, old retirees or freaks and geeks.  (Freaks and Geeks, remember that TV show?)

One of the geeks is Hal.  He likes going around telling everyone he was named after the computer in 2001: A Space Odessey.  And he has the movie memorized, too.  Every single line of it.  It's a scary thing to see.

As I ordered myself a hotdog and a bag of chips I could feel Hal watching me.  I sat down at a table and Hal sat across from me, uninvited, and grabbed one of my chips.

"Hello, Fran.  How's it shaking?"

"It's, uh, shaking just fine, Hal.  What about you?"

"I was thinking of going to a Star Wars convention dressed as Han Solo.  Want to come and be my princess Leila?"

I rolled my eyes and sighed.  Really a geek sci-fi convention?  I just walked through the door.

"I bet you'd look real cute with your hair up in buns."

"OK, sure, Hal."

"No."

He reached forward and try to touch my hand.  I pulled back.  I only intended to pull back my hand but in reality I stood and then yelled at him, "No, Hal, I don't want to go with you.  I don't want to be your geeky princess.  And I certainly don't want you to regale me with stories of how you're named after some damn fictional, psycho computer."

The entire room was staring at me. I struggled my shoulders and shook my head.

Hal look mortified.  I grabbed my hotdog and left.

I'm never going there again.

Blind Date Fred

Never let your mother set you up on a blind date.  It will never work out.  She'll describe him to be perfect when in fact he's, well, you'll figure it out.

What she said:  "He'd be perfect for you, Fran.  You're names sound so cute together, too.  Fran and Fred.  He's named after his grandfather, you know."

What really happened:  "I was named after Fred Flintstone which is kinda good because I sorta look like him."

What she said:  "He in a career field that's in demand."

What really happened:  "I work in sanitation maintenance.  Yep, I'm a janitor."

What she said:  "He's very polite."

What really happened:  BURP!

What she said:  "He's interested in settling down and starting a family."

What really happened:  "I hate kids."

What she said:  "He's highly educated." 

What really happened:  "I'm kinda thinkin' I should go get my GED."

What she said:  "You're both in the same place in your life."

Huh?  What, Mom?  What do you mean by that?  The same place in our lives?  What does that say about me?  Mom?  Really?  Mom, what were you thinking?

Nip Slip

The corporate singles mixer was this evening.  All day at work I had been nervous but excited.  I didn't know what to think.  I guessed there would be a bunch of businessmen and attorneys and accountants.  There would be successful men who weren't cheap and who were full of motivation.

I picked out a nice cocktail dress to wear, a purple dress with spaghetti straps.  It has a bit of a low back so I wasn't able to wear a bra with it but I was able to use those paste on support things they sell in the lingerie departments.  I had my nicest jewelry on and a stylish purse.  The only thing that made me look poor is my car but none of the singles would see that so I was all set.

After work I changed in the bathroom and redid my makeup. 

Off I went.  I was one of the first people there but after a while more and more people streamed in.  They served alcohol and hors d'oeuvres.  I watched what I ate and what I drank because I wanted to make a good impression.  I mingled.  I felt confident.  After a while music started.

I was talking to a guy named Jack who suggested we dance.  He seemed very nice.  He was accountant  --  see, I knew I could meet some accountants -- who has trouble getting out and meeting women.  Perfect.  He was desperate.

After some slow classy songs the music got faster.  I threw my arms up in the arm and got into the music.  I started to notice people were staring at me.  At first I thought it was my imagination but, no, they were staring at me.

Okay, an audience.  I continued to dance.  Finally, I saw Jack waving his hand in front of his chest.  I didn't understand.

"Fran, your dress."

My dress?  What was wrong with my dress?  I glanced down and saw it.  Oh, my God, my nipple had slipped out my dress and everyone saw it.  Everyone!

I pushed my way past Jack and everyone else, grabbed my purse and left as quickly as I could.  I'll never go back there again.  They'd never look me in the eye.

There's A Spud Born Every Minute -- Part 1

Jessica had her baby, in the wee hours of the night, so after work I decided to go visit her.  I stopped first in the gift shop to buy her something.  I didn't know what to get.

Do I buy something for Jessica or something for the baby?  I had no idea what the protocol is for this sort of thing.  I asked the cashier and between cracks of gum I swear she rolled her eyes at me.  Finally I settled on some overpriced flowers for Jessica.  The baby got enough gifts at the baby shower anyway, I figured.

I asked the women at the front desk how to get to the maternity ward and promptly got lost.  Somehow I got off on the wrong floor or took a wrong turn or something.  All those corridors look alike.

At one point I heard a familiar voice calling my name.  I turned and there was one of my old boyfriends, Elliot, walking up to me.

We exchanged pleasantries.  I told him I was here visiting Jessica.  He made fun of me for being very far from the maternity ward.

"What are you doing here?"

"I work for the hospital now.  Yeah, I went into hospital management."

Hum, that was very interesting.  I rubbed the back of my neck and as I did so noticed a ring on his finger.

"You're married."

"Funny thing," he laughed, "I meet a wonderful girl after we broke up.  She urged me to go to school then we got married.  We have two kids now and one on the way."

"Yes, very funny."

I excused myself and sprinted back to the elevators.  Elliot's a career man now, a father married to a "wonderful girl"?  When I knew him, he had no motivation, no wish for a family and thought school was for snobs.  I guess that proves I'm not so wonderful.

Thursday

I love my Granny Fletcher.  I try to visit her whenever I can.

When I was a little girl, Granny and I always have the best times.   We would talk and share secrets and she made me feel special.  Sometimes I wish I was still a little girl.

"So, Fran, I heard Lilly is engaged.  I imagine you are happy for her."

"Yes, very happy."

I told Granny I was happy but I'm not really.  I feel sad and alone and sooooo old.

"When was your last date, dear?"

"The other day."

Oh, please, don't remind me of Brian.  I was hoping Granny wouldn't ask me how it went and luckily it didn't.  Instead she brought up something much worse.

"You'll be turning 30 soon and I don't want you to die an old maid.  I think it's about time I gave you some pointers."

Pointers?  What sort of pointers could an 80 year old give when it comes to dating in the 21st century?  Last time Granny had a date Eisenhower was in office.  A lot has changed since then.

"Maybe you're boring in the bedroom, dear.  Have you tried -- "

"Granny."

"I'm only trying to help.  But sometimes I feel like you don't know what to give a man."

I, I, I don't know what to give a man?  I couldn't even answer.  I couldn't even open my mouth.  What was Granny saying?  That I was a horrible lover.  No, grandmothers don't think about such things.  No, she couldn't mean that.  She watches too much TV.

"You're 30th birthday is coming, Fran.  It's all downhill from here."

Sunday

Like I said this is the worst week ever.  It started on Sunday with my date with Brian Leeds.  Yes, you read that right, a Sunday date.

I met Brian at Bud's Hardware Store a couple of weeks ago.  He said he remembered us going to high school together, although he was in my brother Brandon's class.  I didn't remember him at all.  So maybe he was giving me a line, I don't know, but if he was, I bought it.  I agreed to go out with him.

So why a Sunday date?  He claimed it was because he works a lot and also because he believed first dates should be casual, so we planned to have lunch.  I was thinking we would have lunch at MaryLou's Diner or maybe take a drive into the city and eat at one of those chain restaurants.

Brian is religious so I thought nothing of it when he asked me to attend church with him.  We attended services and afterward I fully expected that we would leave for lunch.

Instead Brian turned to me and said, "Let's go check out the social hall.  My mom is serving coffee today."

Okay, I think he's sweet.  He wants to say hello to his mother.  But when we got downstairs, it wasn't just coffee and donuts.  It was a full blown lunch.  We weren't going anywhere.  We were having lunch right there.

I looked around as realization hit me.  He was too cheap to buy me lunch so he brought me somewhere where the lunch is free.  I felt my cheeks growing hot.  I couldn't believe it.  Why wasn't he honest with me to begin with?  If he told me we were having lunch here, it might not have been so bad?  Had I misunderstood?  Was I supposed to know this was where we were going when he suggested I come to services with him?

Just as I wondered "why me?" something happened.  The curtain on the far wall pulled back and a Sunday-school play started.

I leaned over and whispered in Brian's ear, "Do you know any of those kids?"

He shook his head no.  Really, Brian, free lunch and entertainment.  No wonder you're still single.

I've heard it said all the good ones are either taken or gay.  But really, it's not that all the good ones are taken.  It's that all the single ones are single for a reason.