Lilly and Jerry

"We're getting married in two hours.  Can you come down to the courthouse?"

What?  I took the phone away from my ear and looked at the caller I.D.  It sounded liked Lilly's voice and sure enough it was Lilly's phone number, but what was she talking about?

"Why?"

"Because the wedding is today."

Still with no clue what was going on, I ran to the calendar on the kitchen wall and thumbed through it.

"No, I'm pretty sure it's not."

"Yes, it's today.  Jerry and I have decided to elope.  Today.  You have your dress and jewelry, right?"

I didn't say anything for several minutes.  Lilly and Jerry were eloping and expected me to still wear my Pepto pink dress?  Ugh.

"Yes, I have it."

"Great.  Can you meet us there?  You can park in the parking garage across the street.  They'll validate parking."

"Um, okay, I'll see you in two hours."

I hung up and felt sick.  It was bad enough I was going to have to wear that dress to a formal wedding but I was mentally prepared for that.  There would be others wearing that same dress and there would be rituals and routines and after I got home I could burn the dress.  Lilly would feel a sense of beauty having us wear horrid dresses and she would have beautiful pictures.

But an elopement downtown?  Why did we have to wear formal wear?  I didn't want to wear formal wear.  I would have to been seen in public in that pink dress.  Not just wedding guests who were expecting it but actual strangers and cab drivers.  I would have to cross the street in that dress!

I went to the bathroom and threw up.

It's a Party -- Part 2

When I awoke I was laying on the couch with a wet washcloth on my forehead.  Everyone was standing around staring at me.  At first, I thought I was dreaming but then I remembered where I was.  It was my 30th birthday party.

Almost immediately, I sat bolt upright and screamed at the top of my lungs.

Mama tried to calm me down, but I had to let my frustration out and nothing anyone did was going to stop it.  When I could finally breath, I looked around the room.  I was so livid, I couldn't even remember who some of the people were.

"Why did you do this to me?  You knew I didn't want a party.  You knew I didn't want to be reminded of my birthday."

Mama said, "Why would I want to forget my youngest child's birthday?"

I climbed up on the back of the couch.  "You've ruined my life.  I'll never be able to show my face around this town again."

"I think you're overreacting."

"Overreacting?  How am I suppose to react when my own mother makes a fool of me?"

"Fran, it took a lot of hard work planning this party."

Granny took Mama's arm and said, "Susanne, leave her alone.  Some people can't be helped."

To me, she said, "You need a shrink."

That was it.  I couldn't take it anymore.  I took my things and I left.  So much for the people who love me.

It's a Party

It finally happened.  I turned 30.  Luckily for me, mom said she wouldn't make a big deal about it because in her mind it's not a big deal, just another birthday, so we would have a small family dinner together the same way we also do.

Mama said to come over to dinner after I got home from work and had changed my clothes.  She told me to wear something nice because she would be taking my picture next to my birthday cake.  It's the same routine she's done for the past 29 years.

So I changed and went over to my parents' house.  Mama was there to greet me on the porch which I thought was a little odd.

"Why are you out here?  Where's Dad?"

"Oh, he's inside taking a nap."

"A nap?  I didn't think Dad took naps."

"Oh, he doesn't usually.  He just had a stressful week.  He'll tell you all about it.  You can go put your purse inside if you want.  Just be quiet."

I nodded and opened the door to the living room.  Mama followed closely behind me.  The room was dark.  I didn't hear any snoring.  The light switched on and the room was full of people.  It was a party.  I saw Dad, Brandon, Polly, Granny, Jessica, Lilly and a number of other people I recognized.

Suddenly, I felt very hot.  The room started to spin.  Everything went black.  I was falling.

 

To be continued .....

Pretty in Pink

As you recall, I promised Lilly I would go dress shopping with her.  It is only because I love her like a sister that I will do this.

We went to Amy's Bridal, which was having a special sale, and it was jammed packed with crazy brides-to-be looking for a great deal.

It took a while before we were waited on.  Had I known this I wouldn't have had to take off of work early.  Our consultant was named Rita.  Rita showed us around the store. 

Lilly had to pick her dress out first  -- and it took forever.  So she had to try on, like, a million dresses, asking maddening questions all the while about how her boobs look and her butt looks, straps or strapless, train or no train, it's too expensive, not expensive enough.  Finally, she picked something to my relief.

Then we went to the bridesmaids section and Lilly picks a dress right away.  She only had me try on three, like they do on the bride's shows on TV, and, boom, she made a decision.  And it's pink.  Ugh.  I'm going to look like a blown-up piece of bubble gum in front of all those people.  How could she?  She must really be afraid her bridesmaids will outshine her.

Working Women Wednesday

I try to associate with my co-workers as little as possible.  They remind me too much of work for any friendship to really be enjoyable.  But sometimes you turn down an invitation enough times you owe them one.

I went out tonight with a bunch of the SAT TV ladies for Working Women's Wednesday at a bar down the street from our office building.

Something happened while we were there, enjoying a drink and a light dinner.  The women began to talk about themselves.  But it wasn't just talking about themselves.  They were talking about their backgrounds and what brought them to SAT TV. 

All of them had stories that were oddly familiar.  They needed a job, they were deep in debt so they found what they could yet they were still deeply in debt and still dissatisfied.  What was worse was none of them had a college degree.  These women reminded me of me.  I had goosebumps listening to their stories.

They are all middle age and with my birthday coming up I am fearful of becoming like them.  I don't want to become like them  --  bitter and stuck.  I want to have a job I like and a little money in the bank.  I want to be happy, ya know?

Maybe I need to revisit that college site after all.

Here Comes the Bridesmaid

Lilly is having lunch with me today.  It was nice seeing her.  We haven't really hung out much since she got engaged to Jerry.  I knew that would happen.  It happened with Jessica and my other friends, too.  No one has time for me anymore.

We went to a nice coffeeshop between our hometown and the city.  We ordered sandwhiches and high caffeinated beverages then started to catch up.

Of course Lilly had to bring up the wedding.  I groaned inside.  So she was planning that thing out already?  Like, what, two years in advance?

"Oooh, oooh, oooh, I have something important to ask you," Lilly said taking my hands.  "You're my best friend.  Will you be my maid of honor?"

I was speechless.  The maid of honor?  How could I do that when I was secretly jealous she was getting married in the first place?  But at the same time she is my best friend.  It would hurt her feelings if I said no.

Lilly was sitting there, smiling, waiting for a response. 

Say something, you idiot, I thought.  "Yes, I'll do it."

"Wonderful.  You'll have to come dress shopping with me and be my second opinion on everything."

Her second opinion on everything?  Like, literally, everything?  She didn't ask me my opinion on marrying Jerry.

Lilly started to dig through her purse.  "We'll have to schedule a shopping day!"

Yes, a shopping day.

"Fun."  I smiled.

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

There's A Spud Born Every Minute -- Part 2

I made it Jessica's room.  Her room was full of flowers.  I guess I picked out the wrong gift after all.  I can't win.  I set the flowers down and walked over to the bed.

"You look like hell, Fran.  What happened?"

"It was nothing really.  Remember Elliot?"

"I don't know, Fran.  You've had so many boyfriends.  Is he the one who likes to sit around all day drinking beer and watching Sport Network?"

"Liked.  He's very successful now.  Probably owns a Mercedes."

"Really?"  Jessica sat up, clearly interested.

I had to change the subject.  "Where is Spuds Mackenzie?'

Jessica pointed to the little hospital crib thingy next to her bed.  "Right there.  Why would you call her that?"

"No reason.  Seeing Elliot was a big surprise."

"What you need, Fran, is a successful man who wants to settle down, not a string of losers.  You need to go to where the successful people are."

I walked over to Mackenzie and feigned interest.  I couldn't think of anything other than Elliot and the "wonderful girl" he had met after me.  I can be wonderful and inspiring, too. 

"Well, there is a corporate singles mixer in the city this Friday.  I was thinking of going."

"You definitely need to, Fran.  It will do you some good."

There's A Spud Born Every Minute -- Part 1

Jessica had her baby, in the wee hours of the night, so after work I decided to go visit her.  I stopped first in the gift shop to buy her something.  I didn't know what to get.

Do I buy something for Jessica or something for the baby?  I had no idea what the protocol is for this sort of thing.  I asked the cashier and between cracks of gum I swear she rolled her eyes at me.  Finally I settled on some overpriced flowers for Jessica.  The baby got enough gifts at the baby shower anyway, I figured.

I asked the women at the front desk how to get to the maternity ward and promptly got lost.  Somehow I got off on the wrong floor or took a wrong turn or something.  All those corridors look alike.

At one point I heard a familiar voice calling my name.  I turned and there was one of my old boyfriends, Elliot, walking up to me.

We exchanged pleasantries.  I told him I was here visiting Jessica.  He made fun of me for being very far from the maternity ward.

"What are you doing here?"

"I work for the hospital now.  Yeah, I went into hospital management."

Hum, that was very interesting.  I rubbed the back of my neck and as I did so noticed a ring on his finger.

"You're married."

"Funny thing," he laughed, "I meet a wonderful girl after we broke up.  She urged me to go to school then we got married.  We have two kids now and one on the way."

"Yes, very funny."

I excused myself and sprinted back to the elevators.  Elliot's a career man now, a father married to a "wonderful girl"?  When I knew him, he had no motivation, no wish for a family and thought school was for snobs.  I guess that proves I'm not so wonderful.

Saturday

Normally I love Saturdays.  I get to sleep in and have a leisurely day.  No work, no thoughts of work or how I'm a failure.

Today I was reminded of how I am a failure.  Remember how I said all my friends are married?  Well, some have children.  My friend Jessica is about to have her first.  Saturday was the baby shower.

The baby is going to be named Mackenzie.  Apparently I'm the only one who remembers those Spuds Mackenzie commercials because the name reminds of a dog every time I hear it.  Truly awful.  But Jessica and so many others seem to love it.

The baby shower was excruciating.  I saw all my friends -- all the ones who are happy and satisfied with their lives.  There were so many gifts, so, so many gifts.  And then there was Jessica.  She looked pregnant and fantastic at the same time.  How is that possible?

I looked around at all my friends.  Why do they have all the things they want and I have nothing?  They have good jobs, nice houses, husbands and children.  I want that, yet life has seen fit to not give it to me.  What am I doing wrong?  Why is karma out to get me?  Why, why, why?

Wednesday

I can't say that I have a lot of friends.  I did once, but a lot of them moved away and we lost contact.  Of the ones I still have left, all but Lilly are married, some have kids and rarely have time for me.

Lilly has a boyfriend, but she still makes time for me and I appreciate that.  I don't know what I would do if I was the last one to get married.  It would be devastating.

It was late when my phone rang.  It scared me.  I thought for sure it had to be an emergency because no one calls me that late unless it's an emergency.  I saw it was Lilly's number coming up on my caller ID. 

Lilly sounded out of breath on the phone.  Now, I was really worried.  She was talking so quickly I couldn't understand her.  Finally I told her to slow down and repeat what she had been saying.

"Jerry asked me to marry him," she said.  "And I said yes.  Oh, Fran, you'll have to help me plan the wedding.  It will be so much fun.  You will help me, won't you?"

I was caught off guard.  Of course, I told her, anything she wanted.

And with that the phone call was over.  Lilly was getting married.  And that make me the last single friend standing. 

I feel sick.