I love my Granny Fletcher. I try to visit her whenever I can.
When I was a little girl, Granny and I always have the best times. We would talk and share secrets and she made me feel special. Sometimes I wish I was still a little girl.
"So, Fran, I heard Lilly is engaged. I imagine you are happy for her."
"Yes, very happy."
I told Granny I was happy but I'm not really. I feel sad and alone and sooooo old.
"When was your last date, dear?"
"The other day."
Oh, please, don't remind me of Brian. I was hoping Granny wouldn't ask me how it went and luckily it didn't. Instead she brought up something much worse.
"You'll be turning 30 soon and I don't want you to die an old maid. I think it's about time I gave you some pointers."
Pointers? What sort of pointers could an 80 year old give when it comes to dating in the 21st century? Last time Granny had a date Eisenhower was in office. A lot has changed since then.
"Maybe you're boring in the bedroom, dear. Have you tried -- "
"Granny."
"I'm only trying to help. But sometimes I feel like you don't know what to give a man."
I, I, I don't know what to give a man? I couldn't even answer. I couldn't even open my mouth. What was Granny saying? That I was a horrible lover. No, grandmothers don't think about such things. No, she couldn't mean that. She watches too much TV.
"You're 30th birthday is coming, Fran. It's all downhill from here."
When I was a little girl, Granny and I always have the best times. We would talk and share secrets and she made me feel special. Sometimes I wish I was still a little girl.
"So, Fran, I heard Lilly is engaged. I imagine you are happy for her."
"Yes, very happy."
I told Granny I was happy but I'm not really. I feel sad and alone and sooooo old.
"When was your last date, dear?"
"The other day."
Oh, please, don't remind me of Brian. I was hoping Granny wouldn't ask me how it went and luckily it didn't. Instead she brought up something much worse.
"You'll be turning 30 soon and I don't want you to die an old maid. I think it's about time I gave you some pointers."
Pointers? What sort of pointers could an 80 year old give when it comes to dating in the 21st century? Last time Granny had a date Eisenhower was in office. A lot has changed since then.
"Maybe you're boring in the bedroom, dear. Have you tried -- "
"Granny."
"I'm only trying to help. But sometimes I feel like you don't know what to give a man."
I, I, I don't know what to give a man? I couldn't even answer. I couldn't even open my mouth. What was Granny saying? That I was a horrible lover. No, grandmothers don't think about such things. No, she couldn't mean that. She watches too much TV.
"You're 30th birthday is coming, Fran. It's all downhill from here."
Oh, thank you so much for posting! You have a way of turning your sorrows into something you can laugh at and share the laughter with others. I plan to check out your other posts becuase of your witty portrayal of Granny Fletcher. Enjoy your writing. Thanks (:
ReplyDeleteThanks so much.
Delete--- Fran
That's hilarious! You and I have much in common except that I am 33 (how did I get here so fast?) lol I too live in a small town and date the biggest losers ever. Love your blog!
ReplyDeleteGirlfriends Are Like Shoes
Someone has something in common with me?????
Delete--- Fran
Hi! I found a link to your blog on Pinterest. I love it! New follower!! From Jenny @ www.cassandrazcorner.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteInteresting considering Fran isn't on Pinterest.
Delete